heavy vent (TW!!)

There are mentions of things that most may find disturbing and or uncomfortable. You've been warned.

Travis & Dal idc if you read or not.

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The feeling of choking yourself feels so weirdly pleasuring

at first you don't think much of it

then your head hurts, and you can feel your heartbeat.

I luv it!

I only do it when I'm alone because then i'd start crying and whimpering nonsense

I luv it!

honestly, I might just cave in.

I don't really feel anything anymore

either that or it disappears in a second

the only things stopping me for k1lling myself is my two best friends, my mom, and Bungo Stray Dogs.

that's it.

honestly that might not be enough.

nothing I do is working anymore

I havent eaten for a day and a half

I want to cvt myself so bad

but I cant because I made a promise

and I'd be horrible if I broke it

I guess

I still feel abnormal

inhuman, out of this world, me being overdramatic again, all that stuff.

it really does feel like it

and it's never gotten better or "gone down" none of it ever does

I'm always sad about nothing just sad to be sad

ahhhhhhh I wanna die.... 

its no ones fault, don't feel guilty at all because of my emotions! <----- (targeted.)

h@nging is too painful, pill roulette is... no. Jumping off a building would hurt like hell if I survived, and no one would commit double svicide with me, st@bbing myself would hurt so no, same as starving myself so.. I'm out of luck here.

doesn't death sound peaceful?

like the song 'Let's go to heaven' by kikuo

it sounds so peaceful.

I think most people aren't really suicidal, just looking for something to live for. 

I dunno.

it probably sounds stupid.

I'm kinda stupid

ok