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I have night terrors plenty of times. they aren't as bad as they used to be. the nightmares are Definitely worse when I'm actually living through it or I'm re-experiencing something similar/triggered an episode. But Lately? I keep having dreams where I'm sucking up to past abusers and groomers and Begging for their attention and forgiveness. I don't know why??? I had one dream where I fried my evil toxic ex friends face off and BEGGED her for forgiveness and I Am So like. Hello? and then my teacher from high school. I was out to get all his attention and his whole demeanor was just so avoidant and I was crushed??? why!!! sometimes I'm afraid to fall asleep because of my dreams. Sometimes, I'd rather feel the sleep deprivation than the heart pounding fear of someone from my past. my dreams are so vivid I tend to believe they are real. I'm for some reason afraid to talk to my boyfriend about it out of paranoia he'll think my dreams are because of my thoughts. that I miss these people? when I don't? but They Gave me trauma. they are like intertwined in my thinking I can't really Not think about them. He knows that though I'm just. used to being disciplined for having Abnormal Thinking Patterns. sometimes my own dreams traumatize me because they feel so real. I had a dream once of my abusive ex where we went to a party at my Own House? I didn't throw it, but it was at my house. I lost her in the crowd and I was asking Everyone "Have you seen ___???" "Do you know where ___ went???". I eventually found her in my Room At the time (the basement) and she was about to hang herself putting her head through a noose standing on my folding chair. and I Woke up hyperventilating and I couldn't breathe right and I just remember the look on her face when I opened the door. I remember where everything was in that dream. It felt so real. I woke up thinking she killed herself and panicked and texted her just for her to get mad at me. like grhhhjjnjnjn idk.
Dreams are weird. sometimes they are out to get me sometimes they try to clear my vision. sometimes they try to comfort me. sometimes they dont exist. sometimes they let me see the future. I am Very into dreams. I love my dreams even if they are a hate love relationship.
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Genya
I've never dealt with PTSD or night terrors, but I have struggled with trauma and insomnia for a very long time, so I also have a decently complicated relationship with dreams. Usually I need to get so tranqed up on sleep meds to actually pass out that my dreams wind up super weird, even trippier than normal, and hard to wake up from.
I've had a lot of dreams that made me question who I am as a person, or if I'm even a good person at all. I think the key distinction for me is that while dreams have brought up interesting thoughts or ideas that I can unpack later on, the imagery or stuff that happens in the dreams themselves is usually just an extreme analogy for any kind of underlying emotion. Dreams I've had where friends have either been in danger/died have usually also resulted in me waking up scared and messaging that person, because the reason I had that dream in the first place is because I missed them and wanted to make sure they were ok.
I think you've been through a lot, but I don't think any of the stuff you're talking about going through is "sick" or "broken" in any way; and anyone who would see it as such isn't someone worth having in your life to begin with. I think if you try talk to your bf about your dreams you'd both feel closer to him and struggle less with your sleep.
Also, for what it's worth, THC does suppress REM sleep, and dreams as a result. You still dream, you just won't remember them when you wake up. I know a few people who have PTSD and severe night terrors (waking up screaming if not medicated) and use a tincture before bed to sleep well, I'm also using it for my insomnia presently. I know you said dreams are important to you, but if they ever get too harsh it's nice to have options regardless.
I hope you have a good monday :)
I'm glad u talked about how u feel with your dreams. It's good to know about your experiences because I just find it fascinating. thank you for sharing.
I did end up talking to my boyfriend about it and he said he only gets really stressed about stuff like that if I was actually like pursuing someone else which I would never do. # I love communication.
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