TTI SURVIVOR. Part five. MEMORIES AND INCIDENTS

In this blog I’m going to describe some specific memories including incidents of the abusive behaviour of the staff to myself and to other kids.

Battle of wills with the fake therapist. The woman with whom we had the so called individual therapy sessions was an obvious fake. I doubt she’s ever even read a book about therapy let alone actually trained as a therapist. From the very start I clashed with her. She told me that I had to take accountability for things and write a letter. I asked her what she felt I should take accountability for. She replied that it was my fault my parents were close to getting divorced and I should write a letter admitting it. (The real reason that they were close to divorce was my dad’s domestic violence to my mom). I told her that I would not write a letter that was a lie. She pushed the pen and paper towards me and told me.”Write it. NOW “. I didn’t respond. After a moment she said,”I’m waiting “. I still didn’t respond. Afew minutes later she said, “I’m still waiting “. This time I did reply. I said,”You’ll go to your grave waiting and I’ll go to mine making you wait “. Every session I had with her was her trying to get me to write her letter and me continuing to refuse. I never gave in.

Refused first aid. On one occasion I slipped and injured my knee. They refused to give me first aid and forced me to continue hiking despite being visibly in agony. As a result I still have problems with my knee.

Punched by a grown man. One of the staff,a well built grown man began taunting me about how my parents had sent me to the program for being so badly behaved. I told him that my dad had sent me and my mom had been opposed to it. He started saying she was a “shit mom “ if she sided with me against my dad. I told him not to speak about my mom like that and called him an asshole. He response was to punch me in the face knocking me out and causing me to lose three front teeth.

Standing up for another kid. Although the wilderness programs are supposed to be for teens many of them also take pre teens. (I’ve come across claims that some programs accept children as young as 8). The youngest kid there was 10 and his parents must be absolute vermin to have sent him there that young. He had talked back to one of the staff and to punish him she put so many rocks in his backpack that he literally couldn’t even pick it up. She stood there going on at him telling him,”Stop being so lazy “ and,”Fucking pick it up you little shit”. I got so fed up with seeing her treating him that way that I yelled at her,”Don’t you understand? He can’t pick it up “. She told to,”Shut up and mind your own damn business”. I walked over,opened his backpack and removed the rocks. She told me,”Right. I’ll let you decide. I can put the rocks back in his backpack and he can carry them for a day or I can put them in yours and you can carry them for ten days so which is it going to be”? I didn’t reply to her. I just opened my own backpack and put the rocks in myself while she watched with a look of total disbelief. She told me that I could change my mind any time during the next ten days and give them to him instead. I kept the rocks for all ten days.

Making friends and forming bonds. I was going to speak about some of the other kids individually but I have decided not to in case it leads to me inadvertently causing anyone to be identified. However, I will say that I got to know some the other kids really well and formed some strong bonds of friendship. I’ve kept in touch with some of them and I hope to be lifelong friends with them.

My next blog will be about life after I left the wilderness program and will be the last in this series.