It's been a while... hasn't it?

Dear reader, I feel as if I have disappeared off the face of the earth without a trace and now returned to you. It's been far too long.. i'll get in too details later.

Let me tell you..

ABOUT THE FUCKING GREATEST AND WORST FEW MONTHS EVER!! [in a re-cap!..sorta?]

I'll start off easy, my last blog was in late May or early June.{cant remember proper dates} .

I was on a global high, I was making more friends then before and chatting every night, playing games or just laughing our asses off on call, I got back into coding and making games. Me and my friends hoping on every night and fixing bugs and just having fun, then at the end of June my PC that I used to write my blogs and make my game totally crashed right before I had a MAJOR update ready to publish. It just up and blue screened me.

                                         \   /                                                                                                       {still not fixed by the way... [ '^' ] } - P.S thats an angry face btw...

But still life goes on, so I went to Poland for a month so I didn't have to actually deal with the PC so it wasn't a problem till I came back and it became such hassle. Poland was fun, I met this guy at the pool he was cute, tall and blonde and I thought he may actually see something in me but in the end he just sent me dick pic's and was a total beggar so I blocked him. Other than that I had a great time! I got to wear my dresses and look pretty. For once I was at peace and not fighting with myself.

I came home, I like plane rides.

After that I went straight down to my aunt's horse ranch and was reunited with the loveliest girl in the whole world. Cate. She really did shine up a room.

I stayed there at my aunts for two weeks, then surprise surprise! my parents came for me, they gave me no memo, no call, no text. Cate was to leave the next day back to Italy and me that night.           [not to Italy]

We had cried all day, i remember her coming in after riding that morning and coming into my room and crying into my chest as I held her, it made me so sad that I couldn't just freeze time for her and let her stay there with me and the others forever.

We cried so much when we escaped from that dinner table and snuck off to my room, she came a little later then me. I was packing my bag, she just couldn't look me in the eye as I did it. We ended up hugging, crying and falling onto my bed.. hugging like always.. but she's a topic for another time.

I miss her everyday, there isn't a day I haven't yearned for her to come back to me.

This isn't about her, we continue, I had to continue with life, like i promised her I would before I left. August flew by, I moved rooms, slept on a mattress for a month or two till we moved my bed up. I live up just bellow the attic, third floor. Alone. Again.

While that happened September and October pasted by like a whirl wind of emotions, around the end of September, start of October. I ran away from home, well not really, I just went to a friends house after I was told I caused someone who's supposed to love me a little something called depression, but I don't care, not anymore. Me and my mother did a lot of fighting. It's better now, she did give me hell about me coming home late and that she was going to "phone the police in a moment!".

Also when I went back to school in September that girl that was being "bullied" is just fucking back with her arsehole friends that are just the worst and have nothing to do with there lives so they listen to your conversation and then laugh like a bunch of cackling witches, there so fucking ugly is the thing and I'm not the type to say that about a person but they are so just not attractive or pretty or anything and they have no personality. They are just bland.

i do think of killing myself but i would never act on it because I'm not that pathetic.i

So I guess that sorta brings up to now, November.

My laptops busted, wont charge blew up and i told my father that I am suicidal, and yes I do think of killing myself but I would never act on it because I'm not that pathetic. You may think that makes me sick which yes in a way it does but I like life, I love living but cant a girl just want an escape?

Also I can't stop sleeping and taking naps, I can't stop myself. I cant wake up.

I found this old laptop I used to use back in 2020 and 2021 ,so I'm happy I can finally write again.

I've had to survive in a shithole that is filled with love, money and a happy family and I hate that I'm the only one that doesn't want to be here, that I'd way rather go rent an apartment in Belmádena or go live on a farm down in Cork or run away and get on a plane and go to Italy or go and live in rural ass Poland and just sit in a field every night watching the stars if I could. I felt ungrateful. i feel ungrateful sometimes, but I know ill miss home.

I guess that brings us to the end of our little talk.

Go take a nap or something and go fuck yourself.

I miss my Italian bitch.

-Sincerely yours, A Bitch :]