Trapped

My head is a horrible place to be tonight.

It feels like a room with the doors locked

And the windows nailed shut,

The air too thick to breathe.

Thoughts keep scraping against the walls,

Pacing, pacing, pacing

Never settling,

Never softening,

Just circling like something hungry.

Every memory echoes louder than it should,

Every doubt grows teeth,

And every quiet moment turns into a corner

I don’t want to walk into.

It’s the kind of night

Where even my own mind feels unfamiliar,

Like I’m trapped inside a house

That used to be mine

Buut now creaks in all the wrong places.

And I keep wishing

I could step outside myself

Just long enough to rest,

To feel a little air,

A little stillness,

A little space

Where my thoughts aren’t so sharp

And my heart isn’t running from shadows

No one else can see.

But I’m here,

Sitting in this dim, restless room of a mind,

Trying to breathe around the noise,

Hoping that if I stay very still,

The walls will stop closing in

And the night will ease its grip

Just a little.

Sometimes I think

If I could just find a light switch,

Or even a crack in the wall

Where a bit of sky could slip through,

Maybe it wouldn’t feel so heavy,

Maybe it wouldn’t feel

So much like being trapped

Inside my own storms.

-dmnd