Poem #6

A mere number defines my existence,
I am nothing outside of my work,
But I have never been good enough to win,
To make anyone proud of me.

I should be always working,
To show them reason why I should be fed,
To show them reason why I should be seen,
they would look away anyway - I am not the number one.

Even when I felt like I am trying,
They called me lazy good-for-nothing,
For always being in absurd amount of pain,
For never becoming the number one.

"I can love you anyway,"
But I cannot love anyone without seeing imperfection,
I always compare them with my own reflection,
Because I was the only one who couldn't see myself in other than work.