I'm so close to actually slxxtng my throat.

I haven't washed my clothes in idfk how long (dw I wash my SpongeBob boxers) my room looks upside down I have literally no motivation to do anything, I still can't get over my ex girlfriend FROM FUCKING FORTH GRADE AND ITS PATHETIC AF. My cuts fucking STING when I exist wrong for 0.0 seconds I haven't taken a shower in two days because of it, and my older brother is being an asshole for no reason. And I have to wash the dishes bc if I don't I'm getting my ass beat again! I keep fantasizing about being beaten or abused while having little to no abuse in my life (excluding my cousins) Gender dysformia (IDC how 2 spell it) sucks like a bitch everyday and atp I've made completely peace with that fact my parents will never love me for who I am & there's no point in saying I'm a closeted trans boy if I'm never going to get the chance to transition. I can't deal with my own problems and it hurts being faced with my own inhumanity sometimes. I am the scum of the Earth. Things like me make women look horrible.