The Night I Burned

I had this dream again.

I was standing somewhere I didn’t recognize,

Just empty space and silence.

There was a lighter in my hand,

I don’t even remember picking it up.

But I flicked it anyway.

The flame caught fast,

like it had been waiting for me.

It crawled up my arm,

and I didn’t move.

I didn’t scream.

I just watched it happen.

It hurt,

But in some twisted way,

It felt like something I owed.

I kept thinking,

Maybe this is what I deserve.

Maybe the fire was just showing me

What I’ve been carrying inside all along.

It burned and burned,

and I just stood there,

Quiet,

Watching it eat through the pieces of me

That never felt clean enough.

There was no panic,

No begging to stop it,

Only this strange calm,

Like I’d finally run out of ways to fight myself.

And when everything started fading,

When all I could see was light,

I didn’t cry.

I didn’t pray.

I just whispered,

“goodbye,”

Like I’d been meaning to say it

For a long, long time.

-dmnd