Moderation is a tightrope

I mean, sometimes it's not. Sometimes moderation is nothing but a light stroll along a winding pier, but sometimes it's not so easy.

It can be easy to not eat large sundaes and seafood boil everyday or even every month. That's easy moderation. But with something like Adderall. I'm trying really hard not to do it everyday.

And it's not even about it feeling good. It's about feeling like I need it in order to function, but that's not even true if I'm actually being so for real. Like, it only makes me shaky and chatty. It doesn't even help with my focus anymore unless I'm doing something I want to do like sorting or playing games. So the trying is just resisting. 

If I'm capable of resisting than I hopefully won't get to a point of dependency :3 

I refuse to be like my father. I refuse to get to a point where I need to go outside every few minutes for a smoke during a family dinner. At least in a metaphorical sense. I don't want my enjoyment of pills to take over my life is what I'm saying I guess.