Mostly moved on

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss her still even now. Its been so long (fnaf reference) but I truly still feel sad. I understand that its for the best. She became super pretty, and I wasn't there to make her feel loved. She became someone better, and I stayed the same, but I am really glad that she has found someone. She seems better, and I hope that she grows to do great things. For the part that I mostly moved on, I am doing better now. Every now and then I remember her, and it hurts to know I let someone so perfect go, but atleast she is doing better. I think the part that really made it hard to move on was the fact that she had moved on in a week. She dated her best friend, that I was jealous about since I learned about them. I think knowing that she had liked her friend for however long, maybe while we were together really hurt. People from Arizona say bad stuff about her, and her partner, but I still defend her, because she truly seems happy. I don't want to be an ex that speaks bad about her, because all I ever felt was joy around her. I tell people that she seems happy, and thats all that matters to me. My family sort of dislikes her, mostly again for dating someone in a week. My sister says she did me dirty lol, and my therapist says I dodged a bullet. I don't think it was bad, I feel that maybe it was for the better. Just sad that I won't have someone to spend time with on christmas. Drink hot chocolate, and all that lol. I need to let go, but after so long with someone like her its hard to just move on, and forget. I don't want to remember her. I don't know how to put it like that, but I wanna see her, but at the same time I just want to forget her. Every time I remember it hurts, and I just don't want to remember anything about her. My brain already forgot some things, but somethings will stay like our first kiss, or holding hands for the first time. When we would tweak out at anything. The holes from her letters are still on my wall as a bitter reminder. Her box of stuff is in my closet right now, and I don't know what I wanna do with it. I don't know if I would even want to see her again, or what I would do or say if I did. I've been working on myself, like going to the gym, and stuff. One of my goals is to do a handstand pushup, or one handed pushup. I also learned how to do a backflip on the ground, so I spam that celebration whenever I score a goal lol. I think I would want to see her once more, maybe just so I could say some things. I don't know what they would be, but something to end off on a good note. I remember the night when she broke up with me. She called me while I was playing something, and when I picked up I couldn't see her face, just her wall. I asked what was wrong, and she told me that it wasn't working. I physically felt my heart drop, and I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to let her go, but she had clearly made up her mind, and just let her go at that point. I ended the call, and went to shower. I don't think it had hit me yet, but I just went on my day, but I was visibly upset. When I entered my room to sleep, I did not. I remember I opened our chat, and just broke down. It was an ugly cry, snot, tears everywhere. I remember my legs shaking, and my hands grabbing my hair. I don't remember why, but I was breathing super heavily, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I stood up, and went downstairs, and just walked around my living room crying. I ended up falling asleep on the couch, and my mom came in at 3 am or something for some reason, and we just talked for a bit, and she asked about her, and I told her that we broke up. I went to sleep again in my room this time, and just slept. I remember one time when we were still together, we were calling, and I told her I was going to hang up to go talk to my sister about something real quickly. I left, and went to go speak with her, and I told her about how I was scared that my ex liked one of my friends. I was telling her about how she was saying that she was only just now feeling happy with her friends, and how she was only feeling loved with her friends. Then I said that she seemed to like one of her friends. It ended up being true lol, but I do wish she would have said something sooner. I remember the day that she broke up with me, I had planned out in my head our future house with kids, and cats. I remember wanting to build to build that in minecraft with her. I am really happy that she found her place in life where she is now.