DAY 12 >w0

if i start breaking out in fucking hives again im going to ACTUALLY end it. my schedule from now until december looks like hell vomited on a college student. i should kill myself

i feel so much worse than i did yesterday... drawing with my friends on aggie made me so so happy, but now that i'm not with them i feel so empty. i feel like i've always been this way. i don't even know what to do with myself because i feel so lifeless and disgusting and parasitic.

i get really bad intrusive thoughts most days, not that i will be sharing them because i'm sooo fucking nice and considerate and i don't want to make whichever unfortunate soul who actually reads this suffer from whatever the hell i'm thinking, but it's pretty fucking bad.

have my latest blogs always been so negative?... i don't even know what to do anymore. i should be fortunate no one is actually reading this, despite me having it set to public. haha! perhaps things will get better for me soon... or i'll probably try to kill myself soon lol