HEARTBREAK SOUNDTRACK

I am a shadow behind your light.
A creep, a weirdo,
haunted by the way you float through the world
like I am invisible.
I wanted to be special.
I wanted you to notice me.
But I am only the ghost of my own hope,
watching you shine.

If I could tell you everything I feel,
you would hear the quiet desperation in my chest.
I would strip away all my defenses,
and in that moment,
you would see me —
all of me —
trembling with longing.
But you never asked,
and I never dared.

I wanted to be consumed by you.
Not to destroy,
but to merge, to dissolve,
to be chosen wholly or not at all.
Every moment we touched
was a promise I made to myself,
even if you never made it back.
If this love kills me,
at least I die holding the shadow of your hand.

We never dated,
but I traced the shape of you in every quiet place.
I imagined futures that were never mine,
held on to every hand, every hug,
as though they were proof
that the world could bend in our favor.
But you never bent.
You never loved me back.

I hate everything about loving you.
I hate the way I ache when you’re near.
I hate the way I crave you
and hate myself for craving.
I hate the way your absence tears me open,
and yet I cannot leave you behind.
You are fire.
And I am burning in the shape of your name.

The world is too loud tonight,
but above the noise, I hear the possibility.
Love is the answer,
even when it refuses me.
Even when angels cry for us,
even when I am alone in the quiet ache.
There is something sacred
in wanting you,
even if I cannot hold you.

The streets hum a rhythm I cannot name.
Coins ripple in puddles;
notes fall softly, unseen.
I walk with the beat in my chest,
carrying hope and loss in tandem,
imagining the life that could have been
if the world were different,
if you were different,
if I were enough.

I exist in motion.
Even if you do not see me.
Even if your heart will never turn toward mine.
I move like the beat of the city,
like ambition and pain and desire colliding.
I am still alive.
Still craving.
Still burning.

And now I sit in the wreckage of all of it:
your absence, my longing, the love I cannot claim.
I am invisible,
consumed,
trembling,
aching.
And yet, somehow,
I am still here.

—END—

Onnaya