dandelions 03-12-2021 1:23

at 3am last night i painted a nice landscape, a field full of dandelions. the funny thing is that i always hated dandelions because of how they look when the seeds have fallen off. but i really enjoyed the painting. i've been fixated on them recently.

anyway, i had a good time today and yesterday but i crumble the second that i'm on my own. i can't stand letting other people see me in vulnerable states, so i try to act strong. i wish emotions were easier, i wish i didn't feel like a robot attempting to copy human mannerisms. i caught a whiff of a sickly sweet scent and nearly threw up. that's all it took. i started dissociating earlier today and i still haven't stopped. i've been awake for maybe twelve hours and i'm already completely out of energy.