ouch my hands :'(

I have chronic allergies that cause something akin to very mild flu symptoms and skin irritation, but it usually goes away after i take my desloratadine. Although the skin irritation doesn't really go away, it's just less itchy. This all started at some point when i was really young and as long as i can remember i've had eczema, the severity varied depending on what was going on in my life and season. At it's mildest it's just some rough patches of skin on my palms that itch sometimes and they didn't dry up or flake and bleed, like how it would escalate later. At it's worst it's unbearable, usually it's just on my hands but at one point my eyelids were affected really bad. Honestly it being on the hands is worse especially when i started school, because every lunchtime we had to use an alcohol based hand sanitizer, which is a good practice in theory but when you're a little kid who's hands are just full of open wounds it's not ideal. And everyone already washed their hands before as well, so the hand sanitizer felt like a sadistic addition specifically to torture small innocent me, what reinforced this theory in my head was that when i tried to explain it to my teacher, she just told me off and said that no one deserves 'special treatment' ????

Lady, i have literal cuts on my skin that make me feel like i'm being stabbed with hot needles when i have to use hand sanitizer, also i am 8 years old, what the fuck do you mean????

My pain tolerance is quite good nowdays, but i still get a bit tense when i have to sanitize my hands, so i prefer soap and water, thanks.

Another problem i ran into with my hands was the treatment. When i tell you that i loathe the feeling of lotion, especially on my hands, i am not being hyperbolic. So the best time to put on the lotion was right before bed because i wasn't jumping around the house or the yard and would actually have to stay still. But i hated going to bed, always had and still do, because i've had sleep issues for all of my almost 20 years of this bs. My issue with the lotion itself was that it felt messy and gross and i was afraid of getting it in my hair and staining the sheets, so my mom would put socks on my hands for the night, which actually did help a lot. But for the lotion to fully absorb it took forever, and it would still leave an unpleasant oily residue on my skin, that became even more unpleasant when i washed my hands. There was a cheat code to it tho, something that my dad taught me was that you could break the surface tension created by the oil and water if you applied soap first, and it would wash away the lotion residue and i wouldn't have to suffer, yay chemistry or something idk i'm a college dropout.

I surprisingly never got bullied for any of this, but i remember not wanting to hold hands with anyone. Although a 'friend' of mine once told me to invest in chapstick (because surprise surprise it wasn't just my hands), but she was really rude about it (she was horrible and i hope that she suffers) And once the teacher commented on my hands (same one i mentioned earlier btw, also a horrible person who needs to suffer) she was concerned about the very obvious gashes and partially visible dermis layer, not to mention the dried blood on my hands, honestly in her defense, it was so much worse than when i started at that school so maybe that's just where she drew the line, who knows, she was a weirdo.

I am the only one i my family that has this problem, and it did really make me feel like even more of an outsider than i already did. The nickname didn't help, my mom called me 'rusk hands' (rough translation) so thanks mom, thanks for that. 

I wrote this because i'm struggling with it again, it didn't really plague me for a few years, but now it's back and i just feel annoyed more than anything, because lotions cost money and none ever actually helped me, one actually made it worse if i remember correctly, so fuck that one in particular. With almost 2 decades of experience i can say that the pharmacy industry is a scam, i have been unmedicated for several months now and i'm doing so well (he's lying) actually i only self medicate by smoking mysterious herbs from the woods next to my apartment.