Everyday ♡ blog // 03.11.25

The other day I bumped into someone who's work I admired.

In a bookshop. I wasn't there to buy anything, I just wanted to see if the newer chapters of the manga I wanted was in stock.

It was a nice, short, interaction.

I told them I recognized them, told them I loved what they do, and they thanked me and told me about the book they were getting before we drifted off into our own separate spheres.

They were the embodiment of all I wanted to be.

Free, fearless, dedicated to their craft.

With no warning nor apology,, so amazingly themselves.

Surrounded by endless care and support from people they care about,, and to have the means to uplift them as well.

Someone who cares so much about what they do but nothing about what others think of them.

I feel like, at that moment, I really felt that, that was what I wanted to be, what I still strive for.

Seeing other artists being so unapologetically themselves despite all of it,, gives me hope to keep going on,, to keep trying.

And seeing people like that, who I'm told have no chance in life, no place in our world,,

not only existing,, but striving,,,,

makes me feel just so proud.

and kind of makes me feel like in a home that has never welcomed me,, there is a place,, for me, too. 

My memory has been scarily decreasing recently. 

No matter how hard I try,, it's just kind of really difficult to remember something that has happened beyond three days of the present. 

It is probably no big deal,, I mutter to myself,, but surely it is important enough of a distraction for me to find write able in one of my blog entries. 

There was a family event the other day and it was fun I guess. 

I am good at talking to people and being social. I am good at helping people also I think,, to what extent I am able to. 

It's a thing where I am for everyone to help out with packing doorgifts whenever a big event is coming up. 

I was tying ribbons for a majority of it. "It was pretty calm and peaceful," is what I would say if there weren't children running rampant under the effects of soft serve and whatever other sugary things were included in those little gift bags. 

They had a soft serve machine it was pretty cool. I had vanilla. 

I often think that I am not good at things or not prepared enough for something and it often prevents me from pursuing things that I actually do really want to do. 

There's this space I'm eyeing currently, at a shop where I can pay a small ffee every month to have my goods displayed and sold. 

It's a really reasonable price, so I'm hoping I'll be able to secure my spot for this month. I'm also hoping to make more art prints/fan merch,, because that seems to be the main demographic there. 

I hate that part of myself and am actively pursuing to discourage it. 

"I'm not built for this,"

"Once I have more, once I'm able to do more,"

and I end up worrying instead of just doing. I hate it. 

That is not me. That is not me. This is fear and anxiety speaking. 

I shall stand above it all and in the end only I will remain. 

I am absolute. Fear is not.