What do I want?

Whenever someone likes me romantically, I tend to ignore them or I just don't want to talk to them. This is confusing because I would love to be in a romantic relationship but looking arounds, guys aren't just it. Most of them disrespect women and make jokes that aren't so appropriate. Maybe it is because of the dramatic heartbreak I went through last year but that changed me a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. Its been hard for me open up with new friends. I socialize, make new friends but its hard to actually keep them without making them bored because my life is dry and chapped like my lips. Whatever, friends don't really matter, right? I have my two best friends but we don't talk much nowadays and when I see people my age making friends so easily and getting into relationships, I feel like I don't fit in this world.

Its hard for me to make friends especially female friends because they want to know my backstory, why I am quiet, my love life and all gossips but I am over my old self, I don't want anyone to know how miserable I was before even though I never showed it, not even online. On the other hand, male friends are easy to make but them making  jokes and disrespecting women, I can't handle it so i try to communicate with them and then boom, they leave me. Do they know how embarrassing it is to act like that?

I don't hate men, I am surrounded by men who doesn't know how to act like men which makes me think whether its just them or are all men like this?

31/10/2025

(10.29 pm)