2025.10.30

[11:15am] hi guys sorry for being inactive for so long TwT during the summer i spent a lot of time playing roblox in my room and getting ready for college. in july my dog paralyzed her back legs and had surgery to fix it, and i spent the rest of the summer sitting with her while she recovered. im now in college in southern california, which is kinda crazy. i haven't stoppped having medical issues because i just recently got diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and now have to go to a billion more appointments to find out which one it is (probably rheumatoid arthritis). i've been in constant pain and lost a lot of weight and hair and always been tired since the beginning of the year, so hopefully this diagnoses can help me get treatment to fix it. i havent talked to any of my friends from back home, and the friends i have here are kind of losers. not in an unpopular teenage dirtbag way but in like an out of touch npc kind of way. all i do now is sit in my dorm and make papaer stars over and over and over again. its halloween tomorrow which is my favorite holiday, and my only plans are to go to the doctor and a writing workshop. it's 90 degrees and sunny and all the trees are lush and green, it may as well be april and i'd have no idea. i think christmas will be my favorite holiday this year because i will get to go home and be with my dog. i miss her. last night i went to a school kpop night but only the last bit of it because i was in class for most of it. then i walked back to my dorm and realized i forgot my bag, so i walked all the way back and then had to take the shuttle around the entire campus and back to my dorm because i was hurting from being too active. the travel time was much more than the party time. i am going to go to lunch soon and am excited because they have plant based orange chicken and cheese ravioli. the ravioli is very yummy but they only gice us 2-3 tiny little ones and then like a pint of marinara sauce. the whole thing is probably like 150 calories, so i always need to get it with another meal. i have lost 20 pounds since july unintentionally, so i need to eat a lot. my parents said i need to gain the freshman 15 before i come back for christmas, but thats only a month and a half away. my professor for chicano studies (which doesnt count as an ethnic studies credit by the way so i need to take another one next semester) told me that my essay was really good and used it as an example for the class. i also went to the school writing center and they said it was great. the grade i got? a C. that class is a joke. now i've tanked my gpa in just the first semester. tonight i am going to the thrift club's halloween event just because i havent done many things halloweeny besides watching movies by myself before bed. although i did get to go to halloween horror nights at universal studios, and that was really cool. i liked it a lot. i got to see the fnaf haunted house and go on the harry potter ride over and over again. i had a lot of fun there. on saturday im gonna clean the beach with some strangers. sorry for the bad formatting and flow of this post, i just dont have enough energy to care lol. i took my strongest pain meds last night, forgetting that i needed to wake up early for my 8am class, so now im super sleepy/groggy and out of it. i drank some happy juice (4oz celsius, 12oz water, caffenated strawberry powder) to lock in on some homework because it makes me think clearly. it also makes me poop lol. but i finished it and now im fading back to a couch potato. i think i may have been having some mini strokes lately because i am getting stupid, i have trouble talking clearly, and i keep loosing sensation in my body and zoning out crazy style against my will, and when i come back from it my brain is nerfed for the next few hours. maybe i've just been watching to many reels and thats whats making me stupid lol. i dont think a smart person would have a C in gen ed chicano studies lol. rain soaked through my bag and into my drawing tablet, so i had to get a cheap trackpad as a replacement. it works pretty well, it just makes it a little harader to do digital art because its so small and has no screen. i mainly use it to edit pdfs, which is fun because it makes me feel studious. i like to put it in my lap and use it so that my arm is down/relaxed, and since it's so small, my hand barely moves when using it. it helps a lot with my alleged arthritis because usually when i write or just type, my hands start to feel like they are being eaten away by acid. i lowkey am starting to feel like that now because i've been typing this for so long lol. i think im gonna go get some lunch and then make more paper stars out of my failed assignments.