looks matter SO much 2 me

like its genuinely not okay and like i have no clue why. i think it's because my family always brings up people's appearances like all the time. i can never just shut up in my brain about do i look good right now? i probably look so ugly. my hair probably looks bad right now. that guy over there is probably thinking wow max looks so fucking chopped today. whenever i meet someone its like the first thing i see in them. I DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN IT OFF!!!!!!!! I CANT EVEN FEEL AS MUCH SYMPATHY FOR SOMEONE IF THEY LOOK TOO CHOPPED IN A MOMENT!!!!! like logically i know i'm being weird and i don't like treat them worse but i DO feel SO much less sympathy. it's actually scary