brainwashing myself into thinking I'm alive

maybe i am dead and i haven't realized. maybe i died and I'm on my way to the hospital. maybe i was living too much and it felt unfair. maybe it wasnt allowed to wake up dreaming. maybe the days were too short and i wanted to extend them. maybe the moon said goodbye and i wasn't ready. maybe my life wasnt there and i just kept looking. maybe you said good morning and i was distracted. maybe jesus left and we didnt notice. maybe the answer was here and you didnt see it. maybe it was my fault when you felt it was yours. maybe the nerves were too much and i acted indifferently. maybe i wanted a family already having it. maybe i believed i was fair and i took it personally. maybe the world was too much and i drank it fully. maybe the poison was there and that's why im falling. maybe this is a dream and im waiting to wake up. maybe my hands are in handcuffs and i dont know how to break them. maybe i was disguised as your father when the bells started ringing. maybe my destiny has ended and im just improvising. maybe i feel i can do it and got it restarted. maybe the world is not easy and i have to face it. maybe they all believe, in me and my present. maybe presenting you my life will make it worthwhile. maybe the lights are just resting and soon theyll be bright. maybe your life is my life and we need no dice. maybe the numbers are right and i got them all. maybe the lottery you gave me has the result. maybe its been me all this time and i couldnt believe. may be