square one

i sit and love your motionless body

i plead for a sign of life

i feel your last breaths leave your body

every time you stare at me from afar

as if i was the one who killed you

pathetic as a whining dog,

i hope for you to waste your time

i wait for you to want me again

knowing just how artificial it all is

envisioning a future of silent mornings and desperation

i dread another awake next to your sleeping form

listening for some kind of proof that i'm alive

watching you place me last

while i spend every waking moment screaming for something

someone who no longer exists

and maybe never did

thinking it wasn't worth your chase

knowing the chase was all there ever was

i know

your hands trace me in a dark room

and it doesn't feel good anymore

fooled by the hope of something more than what i've known

i should have known

memorizing the shapes and bends in your spine

the only piece of you i can reach

the warmth of what is safe pulls me further

just until your kiss reels me back to where we started

my eyes drift to your silhouette, outlining your cold body

exhaustion pulls at my lungs

daylight sends me back to you

back to hoping, back to the coldness of your boredom

back to your ceiling

back your eyes watching around me as i push for contact

back to nothing

all so familiar, yet the sting feels just as fresh as the first time

branded and scratching at my skin

unable to free it from my bones

whycantyouloveme