Entry #99

things were hard for me mentally yesterday. though i guess im alright recently. feeling numb again, not really wanting to do anything recently. i guess this is better, feeling nothing rather than anger or sadness. i dont know, nothing necessarily bad has happened recently. grandma is suffering. been wondering if that was my doing or not. i dont think i wanna know. as long as she keeps paying me im fine. im starving. maybe i need it, i feel like im getting fat. im about 130-140 pounds right now, about 5'6. i know its average, but the feeling itself is different. not like ill do anything about it since im so fucking lazy. whatever, tomorrow is another day. Maybe.