oct 13/25

there’s been something seriously wrong lately. tears i’d fight at thanksgiving dinner from my allergies to the dogs are suddenly tears i’m fighting because i want to go home. but i am home. i’m sitting at my dinner table, my mom to my left and my aunt to my right, my baby cousin crawling under the table, and suddenly i want to go home. nothing tastes the same anymore and i feel sick with want and the need to understand why. i have to set my fork down and stare off at the fake plant in the corner so i don’t throw up, and i don’t know why.

everyone goes home and i’m left there at my dinner table with my mom and siblings and i want to go home with them. but where else am i to go? so, i retreat upstairs to my bedroom, and i hate it more than when i was at the table. my bedsheets smell of my dad’s house and death, but no one else has slept in them except for me. so i sleep on the floor, because i can’t bear to taste the night i’d spent before, lying awake because if i fell asleep, i surely wouldn’t wake up again.