2025; my year

I'm different. I'm a lot different than I was when I started this blog three years ago. I'm also alot different than I was when I made my last blog entry. So much has happened.

First I should mention where I was all this time, ive been in a mental health recovery program since the end of June, I'm graduating next week. I had no phone access the whole time, and honestly that helped me realize how much I hate my phone, so ever since Ive been in that program i've started to use social media (snap, insta, tumblr, twitter) alot less, to the point that ive actually deleted everything except for Discord and Spacehey. I plan to use my time on this earth not infront of screens 24/7, no matter how much everyone tells me I should have all these socials, thats just not where my priorities lie anymore. 

Additionally, the program has helped me get out of my shell socially, I've made lots more friends recently (and got rid of old ones that dragged me down LOL) because of the progress ive made at the program. Despite the losses of certain people, this choice has made me happy in the end and i'm grateful that I have people in my life that support me no matter what now :) Its refreshing to have people in my life that arent terrible twoards me and that dont make me go into old habits. Im grateful for the people I have now :)

Also, I'm alot more mature than I used to be, dont worry im still myself lol I just dont really put myself under labels for more than social purposes. I guess im still emo? but I fall under a metalhead label or even scene kid better and thats what makes me happy :) I'm not concerned about what others think of how I dress, and ive become more individualistic with the way I dress, I dont just "dress like an emo" for the sake of being emo, I do it because thats what I like, and I think thats growth on my part because in the past I was so worried of what others thought of me ONLY when it came to if they thought I was emo or not, I wasnt even concerned about my gender identity as much as i was concerned about subcultures and such, but now I have my own mix of things and im happy that way :) I was honestly more scared of being called a poser than being called a girl, which now its quite the opposite and as much as I wouldnt wanna be concerned with people calling me a girl its better than actually being upset at being called a poser. GROWTH!!

Another thing, When ive been in the program I've been doing school, so now i'm WAY more caught up than I ever have been and that makes me very confident in my abilities now. (like ive been saying that program really got me back up on my feet!) I've also gone through lots of med changes which makes things so much easier oh my GOD. I can actually function without feeling lethargic all the damn time!! Ive been able to redo my whole room (mostly, as of writing this its still a bit of a messy work in progress but were almost doneee) and ive been able to clear out alot of old clothes AND I'm starting to do the things I used to like draw and write and mod stuff which makes me very very happy :) 

Overall, I think my life has gotten so much better, I'm closer with my family and my friends and everyone in my community more than I ever have been, mhy priorities are straight, im caught up in school, my space is clean and organized and I also have gained a style that suits me instead of trying to fit in a box and the most important thing is my mental health is in check and I feel happy and well again which is something I never thought could happen. I'm honestly gonna personally thank alot of the people in my life soon because they deserve it for getting me to this point :) I love you alllll if youre reading this!!!

My next goals are to finish highschool and do well at volenteering for the queer youth centre in my city, maybe also getting metis status finally will help too :) I wanna build a bigger wardrobe and save up for christmas for my family aswell as save up for a new mp3 player for myself because mine is brokeennnn!!! other than those things my only other goal is to stick to my schedule and go to school every day, make sure im sticking to my routines every day, waking up early and taking my meds at proper times. I wanna try and wake up 7 am every day and sleep by 10 pm. I also wanna stick to my chores at home which im usually pretty good at (except for before when i was fatigued all the time and couldnt get out of bed.) but I need to work on doing my dishes admittedly, which when im finally home I can work on better. Also, me and my sister have been trying to make dinner together every saturday and i wanna keep that up as time goes. All those goals would be amazing to achieve. Oh wait one more goal is to look into college programs and maybe go to the open house for the college i'm wanting to attend, I wanna be a recreational therapist one day so thats a need to go to the open house!

Well with all that being said i am stalling on cleaning my room, Im gonna go finish my room and pack for my last week at that program and soon i'll be back home for good :) see you guys soon!

- Silas :)