I don't deserve to live

I was supposed to die back in August. I was supposed to die in April. a year or two ago. maybe three or four. 
It always seems to me that I do not deserve a life, that my existence is useless and I drag everything to the bottom. stupidity, stupidity, stupidity. I want to go. easily and painlessly, so that no one would cry or suffer, so that everyone would forget me. It seems to me that it will be better than meaningless existence