why do i do this?

Everyone around me is so ambitious and goes after what they want in a present and grounded way. Even my friends, who are struggling with mental illness like me, still have the capacity to start projects and actively connect with one another. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm stuck in a fugue state. If it weren't for loved ones' concern (and frustration) for my future or general wellbeing, I'd probably stick to the same routine until I died. I simply Do Not do things until either a. someone becomes upset with me for my inaction, or b. there's a deadline. I never reach out. I never watch shows, make plans, start projects, initiate change. I just sit there. I've only done maybe a month's worth of meaningful things in the last 5 years. And what sucks is that I'm aware that I'm wasting my time! But I just don't???? do anything????? Idk!!!!!