i'm not good at marketing

i'm not very good at selling myself as a commodity. that may sound bad, maybe it is, but i like to produce products i feel deeply connected to. that makes it hard to separate the art from the seller. nevertheless, i am not very good at selling it.

the wording may be shitty. the work may be as well, but i have no confidence in what i share. i'd rather make it impossible to find believing simply sharing is enough. it isn't enough as i went to release my art hoping it would be able to see all the world has to offer. it can't, because i still fear it all. i fear being seen. i hate it when i'm validated and complimented. i hate it when i start to believe, "maybe i matter." i lack the experience to handle it. i fear turning into a monstrosity unable to balance my ego. that cannot be the case. i would never forgive myself if i were to have a goal only to throw it all away. i'd hate to render my art worthless. what would be the point?

i hate creating spaces where i’m at the center. scenarios the same. i don't think i could handle it. if i could, i doubt i'd be any good at it, but i look at my creations that i struggle to show even my closest friend. this is experience is not my own, but i still hate it. not enough to change, though.