I forgot what was supposed to be put here

Anybody else is incredibly rude to their family members and disgustingly kind to strangers, because I am! Maybe it's the fact that I don't know them much or at all makes it more comfortable to be there, if they knew they would know how I really act and speak, if I even do that at all! Guess I am and odd ball, I've asked many people what they think of me and they all either say, fine, or, a bit odd, but I want genuine answers! I really want to know what I look like to somebody else! Of course I know I'm weird, but in what way! If I don't know it then how can I ever do something about it! Oh and ignore that part I said I'm disgustingly kind, that disgusting ly kindness is just me pretending to know them and finish ordering the food and stand there waiting awkwardly! But it is absurd when I sense myself trying to help someone, or be nice for once, that's not how I usually act! Maybe it just me maturing, heck no! That doesn't make any sense! But why do I care, I assume people my age are also in this kind of situation, but you know what they do, they just brush it off like it's nothing! I don't know how to do that, I don't even if I want to!