I have the right to see myself in a character - my take on shaming people about who they relate to.

As you might be aware, I have been shamed for relating to Severus Snape from the Harry Potter franchise. The Marauders stans have called me a nazi for it. They justified it by the fact that Snape was a Death Eater.

However, what they didn't know was the reason why I said I identify with him.

I believe everyone should be allowed to identify with whoever they want, whether it's a protagonist, a villain, or, as in this case, a mentally grey character. It is indeed better to see yourself in a questionable character rather than see yourself in no one at all. It was actually seen in the Steven Universe fandom. Some plus size people see themselves in Rose Quartz and appreciate it, despite the fact she did horrible things.

You might wonder why would I relate to such a complicated character like Snape. Those who didn't read all the books or at least see all the films might not understand. In this article, I will try to explain it as broadly as possible.

Let's begin with my early childhood. I was born in a poor family. To make it more raw, I will mention there were lots of witches on my mum's side of the family. I was always a peculiar child, different from others, which led to bullying. I was actually called a similar nickname to "Snivellus". I was publicly humiliated, kids said I deserved to be bullied solely because I exist, and acted like everything I touched was somehow a biohazard. They made some jokes that I will not repeat, because I still have not coped fully, but they were basically related to my nose (!) including a couple of girls showing me a picture of someone with an extremely large leaky nose and saying it was me. I had a stone thrown at me and another person tried to suffocate me.

Meanwhile, I did not really do anything bad. I was considered quite gifted, though I sometimes had a short temper, which I grew out of later. There was a girl I liked and wanted to be her friend, but she ended up leaving me, most likely due to being afraid or embarrassed. Then there was another one who did the same thing.

In 7th grade there was a group of four boys (!) who would bully me for my interests which were considered dark, odd, as well as told me I had greasy hair (!!!). They actually called me "Snape" because of that. I reclaimed it, but they surely meant it as a rude thing. I also recall them saying they bullied me because I existed, their words not mine. When I tried to defend myself, I was always seen as the culprit. Nobody would ever believe that your regular, middle class, pretty boys could be bullies. But a poor, ugly, greasy haired girl? Well, of course, she is just mean and harms people for fun.

Throughout high school, I was always isolated, even if I wasn't bullied, which was quite rare in my high school, people still did not want to talk to me, thinking I was creepy. When I told those people, many of whom wanted to major in psychology later on, that I was feeling lonely and had no one to have fun with at prom, they just said "you can just have fun on your own". Also, in 1st grade, I lost my beloved grandmother and my grandfather was very sick, thus my mum had to take care of him which caused me to be neglected. My health issues were pushed away and I was considered selfish for asking for help.

In 2nd grade, I became "friends" and fell deeply in love with a new boy. By what I explained by now, I guess you can figure that he left me, moved abroad without even saying goodbye and left for another girl, while he seemed to know I liked him. Doesn't it sound FAMILIAR?

Doesn't it?

Well, it actually made me spiral a lot. It was the last straw that caused me to become severely depressed and attempt. I ended up in the mental hospital for two months. I will also familiarise this story by mentioning that I started dressing really dark and performing dark witchcraft like love spells. My classmates treated me "like a dog", like I was someone weak, as my grades worsened and I just got sicker, but managed to hide it quite well. My family was struggling financially more than ever to make matters worse.

Yeah, right now you should already feel like you have no right to deny me the freedom to see myself in Sev.

"Oh, but Severus turned mean and dark because of it!" Didn't you know trauma changes people? I became snarly too. I did not want to talk to anyone. I pushed everyone away. I even said mean things to defend myself. And once again, of course I was blamed and punished for it. No one seemed to understand that I had a disease and trauma that made me this way.

You think it is all? You are mistaken. And just a disclaimer: I am just 19. I am not even 20 and I have already been through so much crap.

When everything seemed to have finally resolved, I fell in love again, however ended up broken hearted again, which caused me to struggle to fall in love and form relations anymore.

And that is still not all.

It has already been a year of a better life, until I got the news that my father died. That caused my mental illness to worsen again, made me lose faith in God, I almost became disabled. When looking back, none of my classmates had to grow up this fast. I went to university immediately after finishing high school just to escape this life, only for a tragedy to strike again.

I could mention many more things, but they are quite private and I don't feel like disclosing them here. However, I hope you realised that I am damaged, just like Snape, and while I try to control myself and be a better person, it is difficult sometimes. I was not born this way - I was shaped by years of trauma.

Nevertheless, I hope I gave you something to think of. I might relate to a character you do not like - that is okay! You are allowed to have opinions. However, ridding me of the right to see myself in such character is simply immoral. If I relate to someone, I surely have my reasons, and I would rather relate to someone morally grey than no one at all.

That would be it. Thank you for reading and understanding. Any hate comments towards me or anyone else will be removed.