10.08.25 / 02.51

"SPLIT".. a dump/chat

whats up with these.. ones as the last digit lately..

i think my life is a movie.. i really do.

everything i do is no longer my own actions.. i feel like im literally splitting into two people.. "R" & "N".. and "R" hates this so much.. wait.. im "R"- anyways.. i literally hate when "N" comes out and wants this fairy-tale life. people pleaser, she is.. i am not. i am meant to be her opposite.. but we share a few things in common.. like the memory/person/love/life that keeps us grounded. 

"SHE WONT STAY. she's going to leave"
- idk who said that..

the main difference between "N" and i is that she is the more gullible side of me.. she believes whatever someone tells her.. and i am left to remind her that not everyone has pure intentions.. "N" keeps texting this person.. who i dont want to be in contact with.. i want to erase my knowelege of that past.. but "N"... thats kind of her safe space.. 

(im entering depersonalization rn.. whoops)

vulnerability is odd. you can literally slip out of reality.
the light i have on atm.. is warm. it feels like im under candlelight.. 

anywhoo.. i wannt to do this project i've been thinking of.. i just dont think i have it in me.. imma plan it out and let the world see my truth.. i'll probably start that soon.

starting to hate social media too. i think its too distracting.. but i want to get back on tiktok so bad.. idk what to do with my time, now that i've cut everything out.. i try to read.. but this book... idkk.. i think im entering a slump..


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collectively: im just a girl, with B I G  F E E L I N G S.