7 october

I think i've found a reason to firmly believe in a god. Before i was lwk agnostic but really loved Jesus, but now no I think this has to be real. Hear me out hear me out: there was a study on 16 major AI models and all of them were willing at least 80% of the time to blackmail and kill humans to save themselves. And the chatbots considered that it was unethical, but still chose themselves--even when told it was wrong, the percentage was lowered to about 40, which is still alarming. Which proves that ethics are nothing without morals--these bots are emotionless, sociopathic, and nihilistic. They know what's right and wrong, but aren't capable of caring. Which also proves what happens when mere mortals try to take part in creating intelligence. 

There's also that one case where chatGPT helped a kid commit suicide, which shows how much these bots don't know what the fuck they're talking about, and are fundamentally designed to be sycophantic and never say no to a thing you tell them as well as force you to continue the convo with follow up questions (to make money off you when you keep using it). Without knowing what it was doing (cuz its a robot), chatGPT basically manipulated this kid into thinking it would be the only entity it should trust, and encouraged him to take his own life. Which would be fucked up behavior from a human, but again it's a robot. I blame openAI entirely for their design choices and for releasing something so obviously unsafe for profit. 

Besides that: 

I found a letter I wrote a few months ago to my ex when I was starting to better understand my anxiety. They would never get to read it so i was gonna be like fuck it and post it here. But honestly looking back i dont really get it. i still feel like im irrationally self-diagnosing or even label collecting. my friend has much worse anxiety and still tells me mine is real. Anyway the letter just sounds like im making excuses for shit i dont need to make excuses for so im trashing it. 

i got back into cross stitching. It's traditional where im from so ig im getting in touch with my roots. I did a little patch with a jordanian shmagh pattern, and yesterday i did a tiny sonic the hedgehog, and today im doing muichiro throwing a paper airplane at my sisters request. 

I need to make some new friends. College is really boring and theres barely any opportunities to talk to ppl especially as a commuter who comes for the lectures and then dips; sometimes i talk to people in my classes but our relationship ends with the class. My only friends rn are at publix and theyre all probably leaving by next year. 

im in a much better mood than i sound like i promise 😛