nobody cares about you (and why that might be good)

for the running time of my life ive given other's people opinions a lot of credit. if i told you that i didnt care i would be lying because i know for a fact that due to this i have stopped behaving in a way, dressing up in a way, talking in a way, and in a way stopped being my true self. and no, im not a serial killer lol or something that needs to be hidden, its just me, someone with hopes and dreams, a persona i have reduced myself to, to fit in a social frame. 

as ive grown older though, ive started to slowly very slowly notice that my decisions are not being scrutinized at each moment and that people are probably more concerned for their own behavior to be in a certain way, and worried about their faults than to be giving complete attention to us. 

i know its easy to think it is that way, we are the protagonists of our own stories after all: we should persue our best interest, and take care ourselves the best we can. but not the extent to fall into the trap and think like protagonists we could believe we are the center of everything happening when sometimes is not true. 

that day you almost fell after stumbling with a rock in your walk? that wasnt being filmed.

have to pass in front of people sitting in park? they are not judging the way you walk

that pimple you thought was gonna win a guiness world record? didnt even make to the 

no, they are not thinking your shoes doesnt match completely with your pants

i could go on

-

i know the title may feel rough: "nobody cares about you" feels more like an attack than something youll want to read (or know) in which case then i could reframe it as: "nobody cares about you more than you think they do" (but thats longer lol)

or at least thats the impression im taking away from my experience this year.

i did something a few months ago, something that i was very self conscious to do for no valid reason whatsoever. yes. you guessed right! i let my face grow their weeds hoping to get a moustache and... lol

and i cant tell you! i can count with my right hand the number of times i got comments on it. most people didnt even care (enough to make a comment) and 100% of the comments were from people i knew. 

all the scenarios with each friend, family member, boss. president (though i havent yet have the chance to meet him) literal scenarios kept falling because they were build with no foundations, all in my head.

so yeah, most people will not care and sometimes thats probably more than ok