made a new friend

made a new friend on twitter this week and they've let me watch them play Borderlands 4 a few times over vc. i dont know why when people are actually nice to me it turns me into a shell of a person. ive gotten to talk to a therapist this year about my childhood and how i got treated, and ive gotten to understand a lot more of why my mind jumps so quickly to assuming that when ppl r nice to me that its purely for charity. it feels like poison. like there's this part of me that needs me to run, to say thankyu so much but u dont have to torture urself just to make me feel like im not grotesque its ok, im going now. but this other part of me thats screaming to be held. pat me like a dog. i just want to be liked. its all i want. tell me im not disgusting and ill give u the universe.