i hate big fandoms i don't do well in crowds

Very obviously it's not like I can't like a thing for the sake of liking it, more like I'm easily scared off from participating in bigger more popular fandoms

this applies to a lot of things i think 

I'm scared of going to events if i think there are a lot of people there

i pack my bags a little too much for a barely half day trip

if a lot of people are at a restaurant I'd rather not eat there, even when the food is good, I schedule around busy hours. 

It's just intimidating, i guess. A big reason of why i tend to gravitate towards more dead and niche fandoms is 'cause participating in bigger ones feels like a lot of pressure, and i feel a little hurt and dumb for not being able to keep up with trends.

i like going at my own pace, and being able to make art, stories, interact with fellow fans purely because I Like The Thing. 

With bigger fandoms, it always feels like a race, it always feels scary putting your stuff out there.

"I have to make this art quickly or people will think I'm a fake."

"I need to watch all the episodes and know the most."

"I have to only ship canon" or "I have to only follow these headcanon and takes"

"or else people will think I'm weird"

"people will call it problematic"

"the (blank) fans are gonna come after me, bully me, make fun of me etc."

I dunno, I'm just not the type of person to enjoy a fast-paced, current, environment. 

I mean, it is a good way to find friends, gain recognition, learn new things and build community through common interest and whatnot, and I do enjoy a lot of stuff that is becoming really popular. 

it's just daunting, i guess. 

Like i like bugs, i love beetles. invertebrates are super awesome 

and i don't know way too much about them, i think they're neat

i still have trouble pronouncing hemiptera, have worse trouble spelling it. 

i can name like 30 bugs 'true bugs' max if i really tried, and i if you asked me to sort them into their proper categories i probably wouldn't be able to 

but still,, i fucking love insects they are so cool i love love love reading books and watching videos about them, scrolling through bugblr while I'm waiting in the car while listening to music is one of the funnest times i have

And seeing bugs in general become a little bit "mainstream" in certain niches is kind of scary to me. 

New things are scary to me, but I don't hate it entirely, it's just a lot to process, yknow?

on one side i get to yap more with people i know about it, and I'm not really outcasted for liking something differently 

on the otherr,,  i feel like i MUST prove that i love bugs FOR REAL and not just because it's popular and me writing this is probably expressing that, that I crave some sort of validity in my identity and how i present myself,

that i want to feel Valid, and Have Purpose and Good Intent behind all my actions.

i don't know if it's an autistic thing or what but if yr feeling that way know that yr not alone. 

It's not bad to be scared of these things, I think,

Big feelings in general, come very difficult to me, and small things like this can be overwhelming. I like writing, so I write a lot about how I feel to make semse of it. 

but i think it's very important to be mindful of how you approach it

Other people in fandoms,, are exactly that, other people. 

Treat your fellow fans with an equal basis of respect, don't look down on others just because they know less or started joining because it's popular.

It's okay to like something purely because you like it, or to find your love of something through seeing fanart of it on social media. Doesn't make you any more or less of how you found a fandom, or how many pages you've read or how many figures you own. 

.

It's important not to forget that, it's not supposed to be a social hierarchy or extreme fight to the death where they throw out others they deem unworthy. 

Fandoms exist to bring people together, to share, to express love for a shared interest. 

as long as you're respectful about it, and you interact with fellow fans with mindfulness and good thinking, then you're all set. 

You like a thing in fandom? Cool !! Post about it if you want, share art, don't share art, talk about it in a group chat with like 3 people in it, shout it out to the whole world, pin it on your chest or wear it on the back of your laptop, 

you do you, what brings you joy

it's a long blog <----notorious for giant bricks of text walls of fucking words

but yeah i hope this helps other people in some sort of way as it was for me writing it

okay bye bye <3