I hate myself more than anyone else.

HAH just kidding

...okay not really but

i definitely hate Lucas and mom more than I hate myself.

but

its hard

because i hate myself so much.

i hate myself so much.

i hate myself so much.

i hate it.

i hate this.

i hate this and i can never seem to fix it

----because its me!

that's what makes it difficult

even though i can hate Lucas and mom and those who have hurt me miles before i begin hating myself

i'm still with myself 24/7, you know?

so i hate myself.

i hate myself.

I hate myself.

I really, genuinely hate myself.

Maybe that's a testimony to how terrible Lucas and mom must be.

I hate them more than anything, after all.

A true hate, the only 100% honest thing I can ever seem to write.

I hate you.

I hate you.

But what difference does it make

when at the end of every day,

all day-

24/7

I still want it to be over.

I just want this to all be over.

I wish it were all over.

But I am trying not to think about that

even though every day is still as horrid as the last

I'm trying not to think about that.

How long can I keep lying to myself before I grab that?