Cristali and Zafiro Toon

     I keep hearing it all day, ever day, every second in any online art community. 

     "Remember Cristali? Remember that drama? That was crazy!"

     WHAT IS THERE FOR YOU TO REMEMBER? 

     The stupid rant videos Nawnii milked out of the situation? The cringe compilations of his horribly traced animations? The MOCKERY of anyone who supported him? 

     Never the harm, though. No one cares about what he did, just that it was entertaining. 

     "Did you know Meowbahh was a Cristali victim?"

     WHAT ABOUT ME? 

     All I've ever received is mockery. Hate-filled messages. "How dare you support a pedophile?!" The same pedophile who had my home address, who had my nude photos, my school district and location. 

     How could I not? 

     I was eleven. Everyone knew I was eleven.

     I was a scared little girl being sent gore and hate mail by the people claiming they were the good guys. How could I not trust a monster like David when he told me he loved me?

     God knows no one else did. Not my parents, not my school. 

     "Remember the Cristali drama?"

     I remember it well. I remember letters being sent to my address, addressed to "pedo fucker." I remember being sent gore and art of my character being assaulted. I remember sobbing to David, the only person to pretend he cared.

     I remember carving my body for him, to get him to tell me I was pretty. I remember being slut shamed by people twice my age. I remember being dubbed a "fake victim" because I didn't feel hurt by him at the time. Because I loved him.

     I remember receiving my first period, and crying to him about it. I remember him having to explain to me what it even was. I remember how sweet he was in that moment, how he talked me through my fear of blood.

     I remember my parents finding out. Being sent to a mental ward for two years. I remember my attempts where I named him in my notes. I remember trying to carve the swirls into my cheeks. I remember sobbing when he was arrested, stating that I would wait as long as it took. 

     Drama. What a pathetically petty word. If that's the terminology you're going with, then there's nothing for you to remember. Just for you to laugh at. 

     I hope nothing but the worst for everyone involved who hurt me. All those people who claimed they were trying to help by calling me repulsive. All those people who laughed at and mocked me. 

     I'm never a victim, I'm scum. I'm garbage. I'm a pathetic pile of human waste. It's always been that way, hasn't it?