Journal #61

I'm so tireddddd!!

Work has been the actual worse. I'm so relieved I get weekends off. It's like a little island in the middle of a vast, furious pitch black sea. It helps that weekend time usually means me and Boyfriend get to spend some time in person. I'm thinking of quitting because I just can't seem to do anything right even though it's been months. I need to find something that pays more too, but the market's just so fucking awful right now. I carry a sense of apathy and dread around at all times now and I think I just to try and find a change of pace even though I know most job applications won't amount to anything more than ghosting. 

I've just been feeling very low due to the state of everything at the moment. There's no job market. AI could very easily replace whatever job I could get with an English degree. "Entry level" jobs require years of experience which I don't have because the market was still shitty years ago when I entered university. If it wasn't because I live with my parents still, I wouldn't be able to afford a roof over my head. I just feel awful and powerless, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way unfortunately. Whenever Boyfriend comes over and we snuggle on the couch, he can never relax fully because we're worried my parents might walk in on us. It makes me feel guilty because I can't provide us with a space to relax and for ourselves even though I'm working my ass off. I'm just beyond exhausted. 

I always knew working management at retail would be a horrible nightmare for me. That whole place is nothing but a dead end. I don't even make $20 an hour. My bachelor's degree that I worked years for is proving useless I just feel so lost right now and anxious and I don't know what to do. 

I hope you're all doing better than I am. Keep at your hobbies and don't overextend yourself. Until the next time I write, take care and I'll see you.