Moving & starting a new chapter

For a few years now, I have wanted to move away from my home. Away from my parents, from my sister and from this 200 soul village. But now with university starting in less than 20 days, I am scared shitless. It is not the fact that I will be alone per sé. I will have a roommate, so this can't be it. I think it will be entirely the fact that I am going into a completely new environment, and no one can help me there. I need to stand on my own two feet now, no support.

I am not a person who experiences homesickness often. Matter of fact, the last time I felt homesick was when I slept over at my grandma's house when I was eight. So why is it that I already feel homesick? 

Furthermore, my feelings seem to contradict. I am tearing up at the prospect of sleeping alone in my bed, in this flat I have only seen twice now. But I also have this bubbling excitement in me that wants to experience University life. On one hand, I never want to leave home; staying right here, where I have always had. But on the other hand, I can't wait to go, even playing with the idea of staying there for as long as I can, without going back. 

This imminent change is draining me. There is so much to do, I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface yet. I still need to build all my furniture, get to know my roommate better, learn to cook properly, ... 

And there is also still so much to do for the university itself. I don't have a timetable yet. I don't know a single thing about the university. I don't know where the cafeteria is, or the library, the auditoriums, the teachers, ...

Both my mom and my dad preach that I can always go home when things are tough. After all, home is less than two hours away by car. But why does this already feel like failure? I can't just dip. This is what I worked at my entire life. I can't just give up, go back home, where everything is the same.

Change is scary. I can feel it happening around me, especially right now. But maybe it is what I now need to embrace. I can't always look for my parents' support. I need this. I need change, even if it is gruelling and scary.