idk how i'm feeling know, btw i don't like it

I've been feeling helpless.

Idk. I've been feeling so many things lately. The kind of thing people do at this shitty age. Thank goodness it's all just a phase, I hope so with all my heart. I'm definitely not mentally healthy, but I'm trying to preserve my body. Maybe workout?

Although I don't feel happy or well, I feel relieved because my weight, which has caused me so many psychological problems over the past six years, isn't something I'm worried about. I'm not at my peak, but I'm much better than before. (60 kg, which is a relief for my heart).

What's been affecting me the most is the social aspect. It seems that the more I leave the cocoon I've been isolated in for so long, the more I realize that, despite being a butterfly, I don't know how to take flight (wth).

I try to control what I feel and what I think. Jealousy, fear of abandonment, self-criticism, constant frustration, confusion about those classic things that happen when you reach a certain age and have to think about homes that keep you up at night.

But the next day, you laugh. And when you stop laughing, you miss the feeling. It's sad. Very sad. But I think it's these moments of confused emptiness that make me realize how precious these moments of laughter are, and most importantly: they're not eternal. But the memories are.