I AM FREE FOR THE DAY!!!

J and P are leaving town to go hang out with friends in the town over. I am so incredibly excited because this means that I get time alone and time to hang out with my BOYFRIEND!!! We're planning on watching Sin City and we're going to play Minecraft. I love playing games with him and I love watching movies with him so fucking much

Whenever we watch a movie together that he likes or is very knowledgeable in asks me to pause the movie so he can info dump about various aspects of the movie. It's so fucking adorable and I love when he does that I could listen to him talk for hours. For years. Forever. His voice is so comforting and I love his accent so much

I LOVE MY MASSHOLE BOYFRIEND!!!

There's nothing that I don't love about him. Everything he says and everything he does is so amazing to me and I love him more and more each day. I am entirely in love with him and I am not afraid to admit that fully and with my chest. 

As soon as my roommates leave I'm going to ask him to call. I need to hang out with him and be around him all the time. If I could I would be in his bed right now holding him and telling him how much I love him. How handsome he is. How amazing he is. How worthy of love and appreciation he is

He deserves so much more then what he's been given. He didn't deserve all the fucked up shit that he's been through. I want to give him peace. Comfort and safety. He deserves a break. I want to be that break for him. I want him to be able to fully relax and not have to worry about anything when he's around me. All I want is for him to be as close to content and happy as he can possibly be. He means so much to me and I hate that I can't be with him and give him all of that now. One day though I will be able to give him what he truly deserves. What he needs. What he deserves

I've never loved anyone like I love him. He's special and different then the rest of the people around me. He actually listens and understands me on a level that I didn't know was possible. He amazes me and keeps me excited. I'm not used to the feeling of excitement and I don't ever want to be. I don't want to get used to him. Ever. I want every day that I get to talk and interact with him to continue being special. I want to keep getting butterflies every time that he says that he loves me. Every time he says my name or calls me that one specific name. If you're reading this you know which one. The one you use sparingly but every time you say it I get all nervous and giddy. I'm so happy that you think of me that way

There's nothing I wouldn't do for him. He's not scary. I'm not scared of him. He makes me feel safe and comfortable. I know he'd never hurt me. I know that he doesn't want to. 

He has paternal feelings towards me. Nothing weird but I appreciate that more then I think he will ever know. I would let him take care of me. I would let him make me hot cocoa in the winter and tuck me into bed. I want him to hold me and tell me that he loves me. That everything will be ok and that I deserve him. I don't believe that I do. He can do so much better then me yet he chooses me at the end of the day. What did I do to get this privilege? Why am I being rewarded when I have done nothing but bad? 

He's like a gift. A reward. Sent to me as an apology for all the fucked up bullshit I've had to deal with in my life. He's also like the stained glass in the windows of a cathedral. He has a story to tell and it's complex but I want to learn every detail. I want to understand him fully and lovingly. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He is the love of my life and I am eternally grateful that I get to share this moment with him even if it's not forever. I want it to be forever

I just realized that I write about him literally every time I post one of these. Everything always comes back to him or is about him. That's how important he is to me. He is my prized possession. The man of my dreams. Everything I've ever wanted. 

You're all I need

You're still reading this. I know you are. You always read these all the way through no matter how long. Thank you for caring. For loving me. I appreciate you so fucking much. I love you. I love you to the furthest ends of the universe and back again a thousand times. 

I love you. Every part of you. All of you. No matter what <333