moving again -back to where it started

3 days ago i received the news that me and my siblings will be moving back into our house in the capital of the country. This caught me off guard since there wasn't a warning or anything, just ''kids pack your bags we are going first thing next wednesday!''. I honestly don't know how i feel about this.

I used to be afraid of change. i would desperately hang to the last bit of familiarity available like that'll make change bearable, like it'll magically take me back to what once was. It never helped. I shudder when i recall all those nights where i tried to make my feelings discernable by awakening my familiar deity, pain that is.

But i sort of don't care for it now. Its as if everything feels too familiar, so familiar that it bores me. It confuses me how i used to dread change so much, why fear the inevitable? why cry over situations that won't change? Change is sentimental but it is also absolute. Learn to accept it or else it'll feast on you like maggots do on rotting meat.

The thought of going back makes me smile, the way my friends reacted when i broke the news made my heart swell in happiness. I felt so loved, it bought tears to my eyes. But then i also remembered how I'm different from the person they had loved. Will they not recognize me anymore? i hope not. I hope they'll be able to look over the developments i had in my character while i was away. I'm sure they will.

On the other hand, i feel terrible for leaving the people that i met here behind. I know its been only a year since i met them, but i genuinely love them so much. Its so fun to be around them. I will particularly miss Mu and Mas. Mu cried on call yesterday, she said such heart touching words that i felt guilty all of a sudden, as if i don't deserve what is being said to me. I really like Mu, shes one of the only people that didn't drain me out when i spoke to her. Even just sitting with her made me content. I know time will patch up our separation wounds and some day we both will forget each other, but im glad she came into mylife.

I will miss Mas's yuri oc's and love for alienstage because me too i loev you so much shes so cute usgsh shes my beautiful wife

I'll miss fiza and sara too

I'll miss everyone.

i know this feeling too well