Sometimes shitty people deserve shitty things

I have learned that I am not allowed to stand up for myself or my space in the house I live in currently. I also learned that my entire house was just hearing me use words they did they understand without bothering to learn the meaning of them or asking me to define them. I often use the words pedantic to describe myself. Apparently not a single one of my roommates knew what that word meant and were just going along with it for the past 3 or so months. Well their uneducated asses just caused a huge issue that then was placed onto me because they can't do research and learn anything that does not directly involve or benefit them 

One of my roommates who I will continue to refer to as J said something that I took literally and it upset me. She called my bed 'her spot' and I took that personally. For context I sleep on a half inch thick foam mat on the floor in the living room. I have no privacy or sense of isolation or self here and they all know that I am not the happiest about that. They also know that I am very territorial over my area and possessive over my things. I wasn't allowed to have my own are or things for the better half of the last 3 years and they know this. This is not a new thing that just suddenly started happening

Long story short to explain the issue that wasn't even really an issue J claimed my bed as her spot and I confronted her and told her that it's not her spot and that this is my bed where I sleep and I don't want her referring to MY bed as HER spot. I was aggressive yes but not without reason. She took that personally which is not my problem and then proceeded to have an attitude with everyone after that. I asked her what her problem was and she decided to tell me that nothing was wrong. Now I may not convey my own emotions often if I have them but I'm not retarded and can tell when other people are unhappy or experiencing some for of irritation or discomfort. All I wanted was an explanation on why she thought that she could act that way. She sis the thing where she tells me to 'not worry about it' and that 'it doesn't matter' but the thing is that I know she's lying because if it didn't matter then she wouldn't be sat there sulking about it and making it everyone else's issue 

I reexplain my reasoning for my reaction and she takes that as me being aggressive again because she assumed my emotions and assumed that I was calling her dumb and attacking her. That was not the cause and I know she knew that in reality she just wanted an excuse to play victim and seem like a good person which she is not even in the slightest. I don't care that she's Bipolar and has all these issues. If she's allowed to use her mental illness as an excuse then so am I. She can go fuck herself for all I care

Anyways she gets mad and grabs our other roommate who I will refer to as Y and leaves to go have a discussion aka shit talking session with her in the parking lot of the local Ross. They come back and head to Y and her boyfriends room and this is when I get nosey. I heard my name and therefore I deserve to know what the fuck you're saying about me when you think I can't hear you or won't. I stand in the kitchen and listen in and J starts spewing bullshit about me being this evil awful person. Y's boyfriend who will be referred to as T immediately threatens physical violence on me if I don't and I quote 'get the fuck out of his house'. They fully planned on kicking me out before giving me a chance to explain my reasoning fully or even talk to me in general. They were going to fully trust the J gave them the full context without second thought. Now mind you I had done virtually nothing to warrant this kind of behavior from any of then at this point. This is when I realize that I need to get out of the house and chill out before I cause a real issue. I do not take people talking shit about me especially if it's inaccurate very well at all. If you're going to shit on me at least be honest. That's all I ask

I text my boyfriend because I don't know what else to do to try and calm myself down. That seems pathetic but he gets me like nobody else is able to or has ever been able to. We have the same illnesses so it's easy for me to explain things to him and have him explain my reason for reacting to things the way that I do and did. Never once did I raise my voice to them. Never once did I say anything mean to them. All I did was express my discomfort with something that happened and gave my reasoning for it to the best of my ability

He talks me through my thoughts for a good 30 minutes and then I go back inside when I see the living room light turn on signaling that their little conversation has finished. When I went inside I decided to play dumb and pretend like I had just went outside to smoke a cigarette. They were going outside J and Y that is to smoke themselves. I asked to go with them to see if they'd mention anything to me about what they talked about. They did not and I played everything off as if I had no idea about their talk. Y eventually went inside to 'use the bathroom' but I doubt that's what actually happened because she was gone for damn near 30 minutes 

I took this opportunity to talk to J without Y there to insert herself because she loves to make things about here even when they have NOTHING to do with her. I start off strong and ask J if I need to call my Mom to figure out something. She says yes. I ask her why and to be honest and give me the full reason and not some sugar coated bullshit. You don't have to be gentle with me. If you don't tell me the full truth I will assume and it is not in her best interest to do that. She brings up the 'argument' that happened and I try my best to not be the worlds biggest piece of shit. Enter emotional manipulation and past comparisons form me. I called her out on her lies of 'being able to handle me and my mental illnesses' and tell her that she's doing exactly the thing that she shits on my past roommate Keandre for. He's getting a full name drop because fuck him he raped me. That's not a joke or an exaggeration of circumstances. That is a fact

I tell her that I have nowhere to go. I have nobody who wants me around them. That I have nothing and nobody in a literal sense and that is true. My family want more or less nothing to do with me besides social obligations of being related to me and even that is subjective. My goal here is to hit her right in her oversized empathy vein. She's pathetic and it worked. She apologized and suddenly wanted to try and work things out with me. My plan was working splendidly. I threw things that she does on a constant basis back in her face and was not nice about it. She took it and apologized further. I told her that I have been treated unfairly. Why is everyone else allowed to express their emotions and frustrations but I am not? Why am I different and why do you try to paint me as such an evil asshole when you know that I'm not that bad? What did I do to you that hurt you so bad? You're overreacting and you know it. You don't actually hate me because you know that you need me whether you know that or not

She tells me that she'll be better. That she'll learn to communicate better and try to understand me more and that she'll stop being so selfish. I have successfully convinced her that this is all her fault and that she's the one to blame here not me. I can do no wrong and she now knows that. God she's so fucking stupid. I tell her that I'm trying so hard to understand her despite my inability to do so even if I wanted to. I don't want to. Her emotions and empathy are disgusting and weak. She doesn't deserve that kind of opportunity with me. She's not worth it. She's too jealous. Too uppity. She cries too much. She can't let things go and move on. She needs to learn that not everything revolves around her planet sized ass

She recommends duel therapy. I agree for my own safety and benefit of having a house to live in. I already know that she won't go through with it and if she does she's not going to be able to handle it after the first few sessions. 

I basically convinced her that she's the one in the wrong and that her emotions are invalid and that she can't trust her own thoughts on the situation because she's too stupid and overreacts too much and far to easily. In doing so I secured myself housing and a conversation with Y about everything. We go back inside and I get my chance to explain everything to Y

She proceeds to tell me that I YELLED at her which never happened and that I was aggressive towards her when I brought up an issue with her boyfriend sitting and staring at me while I slept at 7am. In reality she took my dead tone and lack of visible signs to read my emotions off as aggression and anger. That is not my fault and not my issue. If you can't read me or don't know what I'm feeling because you just fucking can't and don't that is on you and not me. I refuse to change myself so that you can have things easier especially when I did nothing to you in any manner. She also did not understand the basic vocabulary that I use to explain my side of things and the words I choose to describe myself as so I had to define them for her. She is 26 years old and didn't know the meanings of those words. She's fucking retarded and so clearly incapable of actually understanding me even if she claims that she wants to or is able to

I managed to convince her that she was in the wrong as well and convinced her to allow me to stay on the precipice that I will better watch my tone and attempt to communicate better in a way that she can understand. I don't get how I am almost 22 years old and can better articulate myself and understand reasoning without bias then a 26 year old who claims to have had significantly more life experience then I have

We 'make up' and things are normal and well. That is until this morning when I am woken up by T throwing a toddler sized fit about me not being kicked out. Y goes out to the car to go on a drive of which I was invited on but before I leave T calls us all childish and pussies and then slams his bedroom door like he was just told he couldn't get the Lego set he wanted from the store. He is 28 at the end of this month and still acts like this. He expects everyone to coddle him and treat him like some poor innocent victim when he is the source of most of the issues that happen in this house. It's annoying and I find him insufferable. 

The drive went as I figured where T called Y and they argued over the phone and I called T out on his shit. He was attempting to guilt trip Y into feeling bad for him because he's so 'misunderstood' and 'under appreciated'. Both of these are more or less false. You cannot demand respect and kindness from others if you are unwilling to give the people you're asking of the from the same kind of treatment. I especially will not give you the time of day if you're going to continue to be a dick without a valid reason. You don't have to like me but you do have to respect me. I have done nothing to him and he thinks that he gets to treat me as such because he got offended on another persons behalf.  

We got home and and made food. T came out and apologized and I did not. I never once apologized for anything that I said or anything that I did because I am not sorry and I never will be. I did nothing wrong and they all know that. They realized that after I fucked with their minds a bit. It was fun. I had fun. I love big arguments and situations where I get to do the thing that I do best. Manipulation and gaslighting are some of my favorite past times. 

Now I'm going to gush about my boyfriend for a second to leave this off on a proper and more joyous note. Thank you for helping me through all this unnecessary bullshit. You didn't have to do that yet you did. I love you for that and for far more but I know that you're already aware of that. Thank you for being my person when nobody else wanted to be. Thank you for loving me properly and fully despite my fucked up thoughts. Thank you for understanding me. You mean more to me then anything in the world and there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you. I know you're reading this and I want you to take this paragraph to heart. You are the thunder to my lightning. You are the cold side of my pillow. You are the stars in my night sky. 

Can I touch your legs? Do I make you sweat? 

I love you for you and everything you bring me. You are important. You are valued. You are mine and I am yours. <333