Grilled Pork Chops: How I Managed to Live as a Student and a Daughter

I just want to share the essay I wrote when I was in SHS. I know it’s not that good or perfect, but I did my best to write it.

Grilled Pork Chops: How I Managed to Live as a Student and a Daughter

My favorite dish is grilled pork because it’s chewy, charred, and salty yet sweet. When I was in senior high school, I used to eat this with my family every weekend—specifically every Sunday, since my father’s day off is on the weekend, but my mother’s is not. That’s why I always kept one grilled pork chop for her so she could eat it when she got home at night. This dish is no different from my life as a student.

When my senior high school life started, I realized that I had to chew the lessons to understand them well. I reviewed so many handouts and listened to too many video guides to comprehend various topics, which made me feel so vulnerable but packed with knowledge. It made me go to school and participate in class discussions, and that made me feel satisfied.

I had to chew even if I was at the lowest point of my life, even if I went to a psychiatrist and told stories about why I ended up in the hospital and was just being myself. I vented to the psychiatrist about the feelings that I had never shared with my mother while she was there beside me. I could tell that it was not only grilled pork that I could keep for her. I was so stressed out with school because of the peer pressure and academic validation that I was seeking. That’s why I didn’t have time to tell others what negative thoughts I had inside my mind.

I learned to chew my words and get choked up whenever I was with my family at the dining table. I learned to chew the advice of grown-ups, my past mistakes, and the great experiences I had when I was a kid. I had to chew because I knew that’s where I am good, and it would help me to grasp how to grow with diverse people around me. I have learned to taste the bitterness with sweetness and to feel the roughness of the grilled pork inside my mouth and swallow it.

There was a time when I grilled pork chops; one got burned because I left it for more than 5 minutes, and the fire from the charcoal was strong. I didn’t have any idea that it would end up like that. But what did my father do? He ate it. Even if it was bitter, he managed to chew it until it became easy to swallow. I thought that was one of the best ways to deal with hard times. I had to bite the bullet. I had to take a risk in waiting for college applications, whether I’d be getting into one of the state universities that I applied for or I’d be left with no choice but to choose to study in a private school. I had to accept that I didn’t get a scholarship from a private agency while most of my classmates managed to get it. I didn’t stop and applied; I took a qualifying exam for a government scholarship, which I was granted. I happily accepted it, although the amount granted was much smaller than those from private agencies.

I hate the burnt part of pork chops whenever I’m nibbling on it, but I like it somehow, as it indicates that I was multitasking. I can cook while also reviewing the handouts that I was given. I can do the dishes while listening to music. I can wash my dogs while also doing the laundry. It makes sense to me since I always feel that time is my enemy; that’s the downside. Good time management is my enemy. The schedule is my enemy. Why? Because I spend so much time doing schoolwork and household chores, and what I want is real life—to read the books that piqued my interest, to listen to and memorize the song that my friends are always talking about, to jog around our subdivision. Multitasking isn’t always something that I enjoy, but I know it will help me enhance my skills when I’m already in the workforce. It is necessary, but I don’t like it.

Additionally, I hate the long silence during conversations with my family at the table when I’m savoring the burnt pork chop inside my mouth. I actually don’t enjoy it, but it’s my hard work. Still eating it means I appreciate the efforts I’ve had to put into getting into state universities, scholarships, and the validation that I want from people. Savoring the burnt part of pork chops in my mouth made me realize that it is fine to make efforts in doing something but end up receiving nothing in return; it is fine to apply to so many state universities but still get rejected by some of them; and it is fine to process the thoughts that have lived in my mind before telling them to my parents.

All I can say is that my experience was salty yet sweet. There was a blend of difficulties and happiness. There are things that I could not easily say to my parents because I know they will get worried about me—about how I deal with my negative feelings alone, and with whom I share my problems with school. That’s what eats me up when all I can think about is not wanting them to worry about me.

How about you? What dish is savory for you to handle the life of being a student and a child?

8/26/24