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Those who are familiar with my history will know that me and my mom left my dad because of his domestic violence to her and putting me through a wilderness program and was planning to send me to a residential program next. You will also know that I have resumed talking to him online. Since I resumed talking to him I’ve actually been getting on well with him for the first time ever.
The thing is that he’s soon going to be coming to the UK for afew weeks and he’s hoping to meet up with me while he’s here. Because I’ve been getting on better with him I am wondering if I should agree to see him or whether I should say no because after all the things he’s done I’m not sure whether I’m ready yet. Opinions and advice requested please.
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Radioactive_Puppy
mmhg, idk. In my opinion i think you shouldnt.
Here are my reasons. ALSO, be aware that this is the fist blog i read abt that and that i may not know all the lore.
>For what he did to your mother.
>Putting you trough a wilderness program then trying to send you away to another thing.
>What he did to your mother is already a big flag and indicator that you should keep a distance and to not fully trust him. At the end of the day, its your decision and i am no one to tell you what to do, but i advise to be cautious.
Have a nice day!
Clara of Spacehaze
What does your gut instinct say to you? Only you know your experiences and how this man has made you feel during your lifetime... blood means nothing - with some people.
Some people are born innately evil.
What is a residential programme; is it like a boarding school, living away from home? would it have been something similar to the other hell place he sent you to?
All the things he's done to you and your Mom; he doesn't deserve your trust or forgiveness, in my opinion, but ultimately it's up to you.
Personally, it makes me anxious; I wouldn't trust him.
If in doubt, don't risk it.
A residential program is also referred to as a therapeutic boarding school. Like the wilderness program they are part of the troubled teen industry and most of them have a reputation for being highly abusive. Also like the wilderness program they are often preceded by the legalised kidnapping process. Even those not considered physically abusive are known to be controlling and mentally and emotionally abusive. A typical length of time in a residential program is one to two years. Also that can be extended for even longer. Once you turn 18 in theory you can choose to leave but in practice they make it so hard for you to leave as to make it almost impossible. It’s not uncommon for people to find themselves stuck there into their early twenties.
What you are saying certainly makes sense. While my dad does seem to have changed,and while I have forgiven him (more down to my desire to move on and for my own healing than deservingness on his part) trust doesn’t come quite as readily. I’m still not certain what to do but I definitely think that what you are saying makes sense.
by feral boy Jamara; ; Report
Thanks for the explanation.
Why would somebody that supposedly loves you, send you there and put you through all that? knowing how hard those places are to survive. Two years is a long time to be on an endurance test and miserable.
Would you say in the past you've been hard to handle, bring up, or a 'rebel without a cause' that merits his wishes to send you there?
My middle son has been exactly that throughout his life; yet myself and his Dad are the most easygoing and kindest people. And that is probably the problem, we've given him too much freedom and he got his own way too much etc. I could go into a lot more but won't bore you with it.
If you were still living in America with your Dad, would he be as nice as he is with you now, and change his mind about sending you to the residential programme? probably not.
I'm not saying he's not capable of change and seeing the error of his ways, it's just a shame it took you both leaving the country to get away from him before he decides to play nice... I can't help but question his agenda, but then I am naturally a cautious person - better to be safe than sorry is my motto.
He does sound like a psychopath tbh. Whether he really is capable of change remains to be seen. It's a gamble, but if you do decide you want to meet up with him, just make sure others know where you are and it's in a public place :)
by Clara of Spacehaze; ; Report
Thanks again for replying to me. I don’t know whether my dad would still send me to the residential program if I was still in America. He does say that sending me to the wilderness program was a mistake but I’m not sure whether he says that because of what I went through or because it ended up being the step too far that motivated my mom to leave and get me away from him. I prefer not to ask.
While,like any kid, I have my moments of being misbehaved I think that, most of the time,I’m better behaved than most teens. (Not saying that to virtue signal. Most people who know me say it).
His reasons for sending me to wilderness were twofold. Firstly,because I briefly had a girlfriend in America and when he found out he called me a “perverted little POS “and forced me to break up with her. Secondly,at the same time my mom was threatening to leave him. He told her that he was going to send me to wilderness to “teach the both of you a lesson in one go that you don’t go up against me and not regret it “. Afew days later I had the legalised kidnapping experience. The rest you already know.
I think that your suggestion that if I see him I make sure people know where I am is definitely a good idea. My mom’s uncle has suggested that he could be present. (He met my dad two years when we visited the UK for my grandfather’s funeral two years ago. He could justify his being present by pretending to want to meet my dad again).
by feral boy Jamara; ; Report
Blimey, what a control freak and brutal bully. I bet he's missing that power of authority.
That is a brilliant idea, your Mom's uncle being there; you'd definitely be more at ease. :)
by Clara of Spacehaze; ; Report
doctor soyberg md
does your mother know
Yes my mom knows. She won’t have anything to do with him herself but she says that I must decide for myself whether I want to see him.
by feral boy Jamara; ; Report
does your father's plane land directly in the place you're living in or is he going to commute to see you
by doctor soyberg md; ; Report
He will have to commute.
by feral boy Jamara; ; Report