metronome / potential comfort

this is basically how my brain decides the rest of my day from the moment i wake up. one day i'll just wake up and decide/feel immobile and negative, and then the next day i can wake up feeling normal.

occurrences such as these really make me question my mental health and mental state. despite having visited a psychologist in the past and being told that there are undoubtedly issues present in my inner machinations, i still doubt the validity of those claims.

is something really wrong with me, or am i functioning as intended? is my brain just adapted to the state of the world, refusing to operate at its full capacity at all times? i refuse to resume therapy at least until i move out or start getting my own money so i can afford private therapy, so i dunno.

but, then, i see all these other people being troubled and suffering more or less the same fate from more or less the same, early stages of their lives. some even experiencing issues later on in life. i do not wish harm upon anybody, but i will say...

it is comforting. it makes me feel more normal.

seeing other people suffering makes one feel less alone. to suffer, to withdraw, to be in pain- from my point of view, it is far more normal in this day and age than being so self-assured and so full of one's self and to be overly positive and proud of something not worthy of the attention.

suffering is good, not because it builds character, but because we would not know joy or happiness without it. we would not know peace. so no matter how long we suffer, we have to keep doing it. naturally, all in moderation.

i shall go study now. i could also take today to clean up the apartment a bit- i might have visitors over the weekend.

have a good day.