The seinfeld chronicles

What this blog is going to be is something like a diary of socializing and maybe me giving advice that I've learned and trying to test it out, seeing what works what doesn't and just like I need to write this down. I'm going to start by going over my motivations then a few notices then I'll talk about something I learned and then me practicing that and what I did well as well as what I should improve upon and then at the end I'll add a little bonus for you for sticking through this whole thing and I could just do it in a Google doc but the idea is we exchange ideas and approaches maybe you can say like "I struggle with this but I never thought to go about it like that" or maybe "here have you tried doing so and so instead" it should really be a collaborative thing because I learn a lot through books and to put that into practice can be quite different from the scenarios described in said books.

So why do this? I need to improve my social skills, i had school before and art class and I wasn't social but I was subjected to social situations every day and whether or not I noticed, it did help to be in those situations because it made me speak more eloquently but damn I've gotten so much worse this year. I'm literally George Costanza. I'm literally unemployed and I live with my parents. Something has to change and it won't unless I go out there and do it myself because i don't have a structure making me talk to people. Also like it's hard finding advice on how to socialize that isn't ineffective and sometimes there's advice that can be malicious. So that's why I place so much emphasis on exchanging tips. I don't want to lock myself in an echo chamber or anything.

Quick disclaimer too, this won't be like the other blogs, I don't have the energy to write those every day, just every time I interact with anyone in a meaningful way and learn from it and get a chance to apply some advice I've learned. 

I've been trying to get better with my confidence. I hear a lot of people saying fake it til you make it and that's exactly what I do. This is sooo cringe but I used to emulate movie characters that I thought were cool but I don't think that's a good idea. The thing is I didn't even know what confidence was for me like if I wanted to be more confident how should I act? How should I present myself? I think confidence is just like showing people who you are. People say be yourself but to do that you need Confidence. It took me way too long to realize that and it's so simple. It also has something to do with the way you present yourself like stand up straight, smile, head up that sort of thing, right? But also like wear clothes and outfits you want to wear. That's something I'm good at, I'm so confident in the way I dress and I'm proud of myself for that. 

Anyway so today my mom set up this thing for me because I'm confused about my future and it gave me a lot of hope for the future. I can be pretty like hopeless about this stuff especially lately. Thinking thoughts like "im gonna be alone FOREVER" "IM NEVER GONNA MEET NEW FRIENDS" "IM DOOMED TO LONELINESS" real George Costanza pilled behavior. 

With this thing my mom set up, it was so I could meet her coworker and have a chat with him to like gain some guidance about my future. I feel really hopeful for once. Everything is gonna be okay. Anyway!! About my social skills! It was mostly him talking sometimes he'd ask a question and I tend to default to "yeah" "mhm" "okay" "yes" "no" one word responses but I really challenged myself to say more to him, he's trying to help me so I need to be open. It was kind of tough, I'm really not used to sharing so many words at a time. You need to invest a lot in me to get a good ROI. I wanted to say "it's not like I'm socially inept" I know how to talk to people but in practice I'm scared of sharing so much of myself I'd rather just go the safe one word options but then who's gonna stick around, right? Who's willing to invest time in someone who just says yes and no and maybe and I don't know and can you repeat the question and you're not the boss of me now you're not the boss of me now. Malcolm in the middle, anyone? 

I'm just so scared of being judged because I've tried being open and then I get the weird look and I feel so awkward but I was honest and i didn't get the weird look and I didn't preface anything either like have you noticed i do that? I always have to explain why I'm a certain way so as to avoid judgements but really that's a sign of insecurity. The only time I did that was when he asked if he made me wait and I said "yes but I arrived really early" because I don't want him to feel bad.

Anyway I got no looks of judgement and I was like wowie zowie, I should do this more often! It feels great to have a conversation where I don't just default to one word responses because I'm so scared or whatever. 953 words everyone like the black midi song. And like why bother with people who are gonna look at me weird for expressing myself and IM A NORMAL GUY. Like I'm not getting weird looks because I say weird things. I once told someone I liked to do art in my freetime and I got weird looks and the only guy who didn't give me a weird look asked me to draw naked women and I was like yeah sure sure and I avoided him until he got expelled a year later. 

But yeah no judgement from this guy today. Moving forward I'll share more of myself unabashedly too. I think you should as well! There were some lulls in the conversation but I'll work on that. 

Then I ran into this guy who i apparently know, this is way later in the day and for some reason when I meet people by surprise I speak really well because I'm not worried about what to say. But when I would've lied and said something less 'embarrassing' I tried being honest and if he judged me then that's on him I told him I was going to the library which isn't even that embarrassing??? What am I on about??? Self conscious about reading now. Library still closed btw. Bricks were at the entrance.

What did I learn today? DONT FAKE CONFIDENCE!!! THATS BULLSHIT! Present yourself neatly and authentically. Be honest with the other person about yourself and who you are. Try to share who you are unabashedly. 

As promised this last segment is dedicated to songs that I use to hype myself up. I just can't not talk about music! A bit polarizing but death grips helps Me to get hyped up, especially their Louder stuff. Something from Money Store would be good like Hacker, Bitch Please, Lost Boys, Black Jack. Bottomless Pit too but these days I gravitate to Exmil and download that on soulseek there's not a lot of acceptable options out there. The songs from Exmil that get me hyped up most of all are: Takyon, Lord of the Game, Thru the Walls and Spread Eagle Cross The Block. ESPECIALLY THOSE LAST TWO! 

Anyway, have a great rest of your day chat. Do you struggle with confidence?? What's your tips??