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So what’s funny is that I literally had a whole rant shitting on this guy. I know. And then I deleted it out of shame. Or embarrassment. I don’t know.
We’re in a club together, our school’s GSA. Our first meeting was today.
And, of course because of my luck, we started talking to each other. I hadn’t spoken to him in like.. a year. A whole year. Our last incident was July 2024 and we cut each other off in like December.
He starts like.. apologizing to me. Literally out of nowhere. Telling me how sorry he was for what had happened. I didn’t know what to do. Maybe it was because I’m fucking pathetic and weak and I can’t stay mad at people.. or maybe it’s because it caught me off guard. But I told him it was okay. I told him WE were okay.
I’m scared my friends will only see me as weak. I’m scared they’ll see me forgive him and think I’m fucking pathetic. I don’t even know why I agreed to this. I told myself I was gonna change. Grow. Be stronger. But I’m just as weak as I was before. And it’s such an awful feeling. Seriously.
And I’m scared history will only repeat because of how fucking weak I am. I’ll get hurt again. And I don’t want that to happen. I barely made it out last time.
The worst part? I missed him like crazy. I swore I hated him. Told everyone I didn’t like him. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve shit talked him a lot for what he’s done. But that small, pathetic, weak part of me still cared. Still wanted to have him in my life. And in the end? It won. He’s back. And it’s almost like nothing happened.
I swear I’m not always this weak. I’m not. I don’t know why I always do this shit.
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reze
You aren't weird, and it's more normal than you think to forgive people. That doesn't mean you're forgetting what they did, but you're allowing yourself to finally move on and I think that's what matters, twin.