I'm tired of this shit

I live in a 2 bedroom appartment with 5 other people making it 6 in total. I have absolutley no privacy, no say in anything, and everyone is always fighting and yelling. This is what I swear is the 100th time that I've been woken up by a female roomate, who I will refer to as 'J', yelling and screaming about random bullshit. Yes, it's 9am, but there are still people sleeping? I sleep on the floor in the living room on probably less then an inch think foam pad. I don't go to sleep until 4am most nights but that's on me because I have trouble sleeping without my boyfriend. He's really awesome what can I say :)))

Important context to this, J has Bipolar and REFUSES to take her medication consistantly and always uses her disorder as an excuse to cause a rukus and yell and be extremely emotional. I think that's weak and pathetic. She lets her emotions get way too out of hand while understanding that it's due to her disorder yet refuses to actually do anything to better herself. You have every resource available to help you and you refuse it. I would kill a man to have even half of that. The usual content of her yelling sprees is me. 'YOU need to learn empathy' 'YOU need to be more kind and understanding of what I'M going through' 'YOU need to pay more attention to ME' 'Why won't YOU just love ME like YOU SHOULD' 'Why are YOU so cold and emotionless all the time that's not FAIR' 

She wants me to understand HER but she refuses to understand ME in even the slightest. My boyfriend and I POSSIBLY (on my end) have the same disorder. J is aware that I'm going through the diagnostic shit with that right now and that I am the POLAR opposite of her in literally every way. I don't know or understand why she thinks that she's so important to me. She doesn't deserve my attention or to be valued or loved by me. I gain nothing from her other then a roof over my head, and even that is used against me on grounds that I cannot control

I cannot just 'become normal' or 'learn how to feel things like a regular human'. That's just not how that works. She thinks I'm this horrible guy who only hates and is evil. She doesn't know how much it irritates me to be told that every fucking day. It's not my fault that I'm this way. It's not my fault that I don't want to have sex with your 500 pound smelly ass. She needs to get a grip on reality. She's spoiled. She's a bitch. I need to escape

I hate that I've gotten myself into another shitty situation that I can't get out of. I was moved to another town. I have no friends here. I have no family here. I'm trapped. I feel like a caged animal. I have no sense of self or bodily autonomy. I can't do anything alone because she doesn't trust me. I can't have peace and quiet. I can't spend time with my boyfriend during the day without her getting mad at me and jealous of him. He doesn't deserve that. He's so kind and loving. He makes me happy. Why does nobody want me to be happy

I hate her. She's a disgusting person. She's a spoiled, smelly, obese, whiny ass bitch. I don't shit on people for their size often but she's an acception. If you have to get someone drunk and then force yourself onto them just to get some pipe then you're the one with the issue. I'm suppose to be the emotionless asshole that doesn't understand boundries and social expectations. I'm suppose to be the one that breaks the rules and ruins everything. Yet, here J is, doing the shit that she does and uses the excuse of 'I haven't taken my meds today' to get away with being the worlds most undesirable pos

I miss my boyfriend. I wish I could just fly to him and be happy. I wouldn't even care that I couldn't take my shit with me. I just want to escape. I want to be me. I want to be unjudged and free to be myself. I guess that's just not something I deserve. Guys like me don't get nice things. I'm always the bad guy. I can't change that. If I let her treat me like this then maybe I won't be able to hurt people anymore. I don't want to hurt but I do. My boyfriend understands me. He gets me unlike anyone else ever could. I love him more then anyone I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He's the most important thing in my life. He is my life

If you're reading this I love you