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My own needs sicken me.
Often, I'll run my fingers through my own hair. It doesn't help, but I pretend it does. Like I'm trying to create some sort of placebo.
I trace my own lip with my thumb, then laugh at how stupid I must look. They're dry and chapped, as always. Probably carrying a lingering tabacco flavor. Not very kissable.
I lay in bed and close my eyes, trying to pretend there's warmth beside me.
I crave human affection more than anything. More than rot, more than maggots, more than my silly ideologies of what life means. I crave intimacy that'll never come my way — intimacy I'm not even sure exists. Perhaps it's all just storybook nonsense. That's what I tell myself, anyway.
I convince myself the roach crawling on my arm is enough. That's as much touch as I require and crave. I tell myself worms are phallic enough for my carnal needs. I tell myself that the way rot accepts anything, no matter who or what they are, is enough love.
But I'm lonely. Incredibly lonely.
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MZIH
Discount Schopenhauer
AdrianSurrendersItzFlesh
Strange read, interesting writing style! Keep on practicing.
Rezreset
Sounds like you're headed in the right direction at 19. Well, not really.
One day love or some version of it may come along, and you'll be sickeningly talking about how you love your bf or gf. But then it will be taken away from you, or it may never happen, due to some morbid destruction. What future will you choose?
is that wargames
by s0nd3r; ; Report
it is
by Rezreset; ; Report
Kzed
I think it’s normal for people to crave intimacy and not be able to escape feeling since it’s intrinsic to the human experience (I have no better way to word it tho I do feel that many do not have that be their life so being the perfect standard of it is unrealistic) but being self deprecating and believing that you won’t find any or don’t deserve it is in poor taste since no one deserves to be alone forever(even with all your oddities as an example)
Liberating madness
This hit me spiritually while I can live comfortably alone intimacy and love I still crave it when you feel it it's like some drug that you can't stop taking it makes you feel like nothing can ever go wrong.
How I long to feel a kiss that will soothe the ache in my soul how I long to feel the touch on my arm that will erase all the burden on my shoulders how I long to simply feel that quiet assurance of being enough.
Love is so beautiful that I can make monsters look like angels.
You truly took the words out of my mouth!
by Mary-Kate; ; Report
abbi
the rot cannot thrive without the living
That is true!
by Mary-Kate; ; Report