Peace

Most of my life I've spent trying to maintain a sense of calm. My mind has always been chaotic, I've been scared and hurt and confused and then some. In such situations I needed help, but nobody came to help me. And I was a child, all I knew how to do was manage the symptoms. Ignore it, run from it, try to forget and make myself feel better at all cost. But I've gotten a little better I suppose. More importantly I'm not a child, I know what I'm supposed to do. To solve the problem I need to fight tooth and nail, and either get to a better or worse conclusion, but get to a conclusion nonetheless. However this involves disturbing the peace. It's incredibly difficult. I'm tired of being hurt. But it must be done. Perhaps I could do this in a safer environment in the future but for fucks sake I need this to end.

Maybe I'm a coward for ignoring it. Or maybe I'm still a child dependant on the people that are hurting me.