It will never end.

Elya (my sister) is talking about moving in with Vadim, and that I could come see the apartment afterwards. I would also like to invite her... to have her see Yan's apartment, a beautiful, bright one... but unfortunately, there is no apartment, just as there is no Yan.

She says she really likes Vadim, that he has a beautiful smile. I want to be able to say that too... about you, Yan. But you don't exist.

I'm crying again, just like I did back then. It doesn't get any easier. I don't know what to do. It's as if you were taken from me. I don't know what to do. It's like I've been mourning your death for several years now. You don't exist, and you never will, but I miss you.

How could I ever have made all of this up? How could I have invented you? And why does it hurt so much?

I know I'm doomed; I will think of you until the day I die.

Deep down, I still hope that you are real. I hope you are doing well. I love you. I want the fiction not to have turned out this way.